Of the life goals that elude us most of  the time like a proverbial mirage, is the constant endeavor to make others feel ‘Happy’. Yet, right from the growing up years, someone or the other wasn’t  pleased with whatever we did or tried to accomplish !

Mom would often admonish us with veiled threats ‘Your Dad wouldn’t like it’ while in other cases Dad would give a friendly caution ‘You know how your Mom feels ?’Annoyed with innocent pranks, dipping into other’s possessions or taking bigger share, a sibling fracas would break out! From academic disciplines pursued to preferred careers to one’s choice of a life-partner & family size and upbringing of the kids are all debatable issues where not all the family members across the board, end up on the ‘happy’ side ! 

The first major area wherein one’s attempts to share happiness are severely tested are in professional life. Since the job comes first before settling down into domesticity, it’s the maxim ‘Boss is always right’ that every sincere worker learns ! But what if the goal post changes with every new Boss who comes in with a different set of likes & dislikes.

During my service I’d seen many bosses : one disliked employees wearing half shirts while another loved to hold us back for staff meetings late in the evening. There was I recall a Top Boss with medical issues and an officer carrying his medicine bag alongside. Whenever things went contrary to his moods, he’d make a sour face “I’m not happy’! Everyone would pray to that !  Dear God, please do something that makes him normal.

Keeping the ‘soul-mate’ always happy is a utopian dream of marital bliss, vows are made for eternal togetherness and sincerest efforts are made at the start but the classic ‘seven year itch’ kicks in thereafter. With parenthood come new challenges : school admissions, early morning school bus, PTA meets, home-tasks & games. Suddenly, before you realize kids are grown up, not listening to you with their head-phones on ! Catching them for a chat or quality time over dinner becomes a rarity. Life goes on with a generational shift and along the way come many angry disagreements over values, testing the family ties !    

With wealth, affluence and supreme authority comes the entitlement to ‘happiness’ that the powerful feel the society at large owes to them & their subservience will allow them a better life than the others. For hegemony and to gain control over other people’s lives & properties, a pompous world leader has become famous for his lines ‘Make me happy’ !   

It is our trusted friends who cushion us from disillusionment and show us how to define our life-mode and not by living just for others. It’s a fundamental human drive linked to our well-being and which benefits us with better health and stronger relationships. True happiness often lies in contentment & living in the present rather than chasing dreams !

(The Silence of the Lady?)

With the plethora of serials of the crime & mystery thriller genre on OTT platforms each promising to be more spellbinding, what made us opt for ‘Mrs Deshpande’ ? Two major reasons were – our all time favorite star ‘Madhuri Dixit’ hitting the small screen in most intriguing promos &  that the director was Nagesh Kukunoor, an acclaimed film-maker.

As stated in the credits, the inspiration of the Web-series comes from French series ‘La Mante’ but to old film buffs like us, the plot might appear loosely based on the chilling American horror-thriller “The Silence of the Lambs’ (1991) that got five Oscars including Best Actor & Best Actress to Sir Anthony Hopkins & Jodie Foster for amazing portrayals. There are many similarities to the American classic (even the ending) like seeking the agency of a convicted serial killer lodged in jail to unravel the complex serial murders that have recurred again after two decades with striking resemblances to the past serial crimes. The convict with his psychology of a criminal, was best suited to understand how the mind of the new killer operated, using his methods !

This is a crime thriller with a storyline that spans over long period of time & events. No spoilers here – it’s revealed right from the beginning that ‘Zeenat’ (originally called Mrs. Deshpande) is a convicted serial killer who’s serving a sentence and enjoys a good image for her impeccable conduct in prison and who loves her cooking. Into her life comes the Police Commissioner who had nailed her but now seeks her help since he knows that she’s no ordinary criminal. Madhuri Dixit adroitly executes a complex lead role, emoting through inscrutable facial that are tough to penetrate. She exhibits composure of a person in control (but has a few genial moments too), unlike the chilling menace of Dr. Hannibal Lecter of ‘The Silence of the Lambs’ ! With her impassiveness, it’s an uncertain route to take for the cops to discern her real thoughts and secrets. Kudos to her for the role she plays with finesse, despite the fact her character could’ve had meatier content ! 

For a maker of Kukunoor’s stature, the series should have had tighter script & concluded in five episodes instead of six that drag a bit after the third. There are many sub-plots, red herrings & false leads prolonging the final climax and sinister characters introduced are not properly fleshed out. Of supporting actors, Priyanshu Chatterjee is impressive as Police Commissioner. Siddharth Chandekar, the deeply committed Cop, who undergoes emotional turmoil as the entire case unravels, tries to bring intensity in his performance while the other actors are adequate !  

Madhuri fans hope having entered OTT’s  thriller genre that often provides challenging women-centric roles, she soon gets to play gritty characters ala Kate Winslet in ‘Mare of Easttown’ or closer home  Shefali Shah in ‘Delhi Crime -1’.  Move on ‘Mrs. Deshpande’ !

Old habits die hard and old timers (like us) find it difficult to accept change specially if small utility items become relics of the past due to new technology, aesthetic sense and space constraints. It was a surprise in the New Year when our neighborhood stationery wala (who also displays a variety of nick-nacks like little statues, souvenirs & curios that sell ) has stopped keeping ‘table calendars’ I bought last year, being very low on demand. What’s the use he countered : people manage time & dates through their smart phones !  

Undaunted, I tried the crowded galis of ‘Mathuradas Road’ nearby (a big market place for fruits, vegetables, confectionaries in our Kandivili West suburb of Mumbai (a place with no connection to holy city in UP). After some excursion, I found one ‘Gift’ shop that met my needs. The first (‘January’) page of the smart calendar I chose, had appropriate catchy words: ‘There’s a rainbow at the end of every rain’ & such nice ones on each page.

Mundane and old-world relics, as they may sound to most tech-savvy folks, I always felt the humble table calendars, helped in being visually organized, practicing efficienttime management and reducing time in referencing diaries & notes. They served as constant reminders for deadlines, meetings and tasks, while also acting as a decorative & tangible tool for planning at our homes and even in the offices. My vivid impression of my Dad’s work style was his orderly desk at home, replete with pen stand, ink blotter & calendar !  

Calendars, however, aren’t the best substitutes for the habitual ‘diary-writers’ who make elaborate daily notes to keep track of their busy schedules. To senior citizens used to their old practices, the morning must start with a prayer and a review of what’s to follow in course of the day : replying to the NY/ birthday/Anniversary messages, bill payments, refilling medicine chest of self & spouse, calling the carpenter/plumber/driver, visiting the bank to inquiry about latest deposit rates and of course doing the grocery shopping.

Sitting on our writing table or desk, the calendar readily provides us distraction-free way to manage our schedules, improve focus and give satisfaction of having done a fair day’s ‘work from home’ making it valuable for personal productivity & mental agility. It’s not just this month but entire year ‘2026’ that’s in front of us – make the Best of it, Friends. As my calendar’s ‘Feb’ page says ‘Don’t Wish For Less Problems, Wish For More Skills !

Often it is said that cinema, leave aside the artistic nuances, cinematic brilliance, soul-stirring music, captivating story-telling, social & nationalistic messaging, if so intended,  has the sole purpose of entertaining the audiences, which invests in time, travel and resources, to get their money’s worth ! Quite true in the overall context, till OTT came along to make a big difference: the lack of big theatre ‘dolby’ feel is made up by excellent scripts, stories, actors with the flexibility of enjoying home-comfort and cheaper snacks !

As regular cinegoers in the past, we have shifted almost entirely to OTT platforms, sure that even those big screen blockbusters will one day descend down to our home theatre. Many of our Top Ten picks for 2025 have been watched on Neflix/Prime/Sony Liv/Zee etc that include some which were made exclusively as Web-Series & not for the theatres.  The list below is not in ranking order but in chronological sequence as we saw them :

We must add a caveat that we couldn’t possibly see all the films made in 2025 & some we avoided on grounds of excessive gore & violence. We didn’t see the mega-historical ‘Chaava’ which received great reviews as also ‘Dhurandhar’ which is still making waves. However, we did watch the runaway superhit ‘Saiyaara’ but weren’t greatly enthused !

As I watched Kumarmangalam Birla, the suave yet mild-mannered business magnate’s debut in Big B’s famed KBC, I felt this was one of finest I’ve witnessed that raised the bar for the hugely popular game-show by many notches. Not just for exciting quiz quotient alone, but for the wisdom, gentility and elegance that it brought to the entire show !

The unassuming KB (Kumar Birla) had earlier modestly claimed to Big B that he was nervous coming to KBC, but he not only answered nearly all the quiz questions posed with alacrity & no fuss (except two audience polls taken) it was his gentle demeanor, watched by his adoring family from the sidelines, that fascinated us as an audience and also how Big B, the superb Quizmaster, brought into focus the facets of the grand old legacy of one greatest industrial families of our country, the ‘Birlas’.

KB shared that when he lost his visionary Father, Aditya Birla, he was only 28 but relied on his strengths of solid educational background (MBA, CA), some work experience in his family business and the strong ethics, value systems ingrained in the family through generations starting from the legendary GD Birla, who’s hallmark was his simplicity. Big B through his personal experiences related many anecdotes of the Birla family including reading out in famous baritone, a treasured letter written by GD Birla to his brother !

KB’s countenance showed that despite being a scion of great eminence in the country, he wore the mantle of industrial power and wealth with gentleness & that he was basically a good ‘Family Man’. This was evidenced from the glowing tributes his two very loving daughters and son gave him as did his wonderful wife Neerja, who also brought out the banter with the human side of a forgetful husband albeit with a huge business empire.  

Truly, it was a jugalbandi of sorts with two iconic figures KB and Big B sitting opposite each other, exchanging high praises and sharing funny stories including those relating to another iconic business tycoon & legend, the late Ratan Tata. In fact Big B looked visibly embarrassed when KB called him the ‘GOAT’ not only for the country but the entire world. When the hooter went off to close the show after 90 minutes, Big B looked disappointed that the show was ending. So were we, for such shows are so rare today !    

I’d read that ‘Chemistry’ is the intermediate science between Physics and Biology but it made little difference as  I wasn’t quite cut out for the Science Labs. Friends superior in their ‘scientific’ temper would derive joy from chemical elements that make up matter and compounds and score high marks. For me writing literary essays was much easier.

The English words and phrases we used were simple, for instance saying ‘they got along like a house on fire’ meant they liked each other’s company but never was ‘chemistry’ or any science involved in it. In the last few decades ‘Chemistry’ has made a comeback, not as a favorite subject of study but as a most sought after element in human relationships. The young student of Chemistry may ask : Is it ‘Organic’ or ‘Inorganic’, ‘Physical’ or ‘Bio-chemic’. We’ve never known but it’s a bit akin to ‘magnetism’ that we learnt in Physics.

Today if people have better understanding of each other, we also use phrases like ‘same wavelength’ or ‘being on the same page’.  There’s a lot of thinking about what brings two people together in harmony. Chemistry, is neither science or art in human relationships, it just happens to provide that initial spark, excitement and deep emotional connection, making partners feel understood, attracted and safe, fostering easier communication, mutual growth, and a desire to be together. Isn’t that what we euphemistically explained ‘He Fell for Her Like a Ton of Bricks’ or ‘It Was Love at First Sight’ in our young days ?

For much married people, the concept of ‘Chemistry’ evolves from laws of physical ‘pull’ to the needs of compatibility (shared values/goals) for long-term success. It’s laughing through funny films, stories, memes,  jokes & always disagreeing to agree on everything (At Home, the Lady is always right in the end !) and playful intimacy that makes people remain connected, supports through challenges and creates a feeling of being “in sync”. 

If ‘Chemistry’ runs on a ‘have food-fun-fight’ script in average marital storylines, it has complex equations between generations with differing perspectives, liberated views on life-styles & spending and far more casual approach to relationships & responsibilities.  For the New Gen, listening to elders as they dole out advice, is tiring & cumbersome & the old voices of experience are generally outdated unless they appear digitally updated !

People try various ways to preserve ‘chemistry’ including taking separate holidays and hanging out with friends apart from usual family trips. We hadn’t thought about how we were faring till some friends commented on the duet song that we sang ‘ The singing was good & the chemistry great’. ‘Devotion’ & ‘Empathy’ can at times sound like ‘Chemistry’ !

It’s that time when things are brightly and beautifully decorated and the Yuletide spirit brings good cheer and bon-homie & lights us up into wishing ‘Merry Christmas’ across time zones and continents wherever our loved ones, friends and well wishers are placed. Since our early days we’ve associated Christmas (colloquially called Bada-Din) with two symbols of love and gifts, Santa Claus & Christmas Cakes, which we all look forward to !

As it always happens with me, there’s a big flashback of childhood memories where we siblings lovingly recall someone who was akin to Santa & would treat the family a virtual ‘Fest’ of cakes during every Xmas for more than two decades. Singh Uncle was Dad’s old buddy from his early days and it was a ritual followed that our entire family (my parents & we 5 siblings) visited his home on Christmas Day every year in Mahanagar, Lucknow.

Highlight of this trip for us was the unlimited amount of plum cakes (and other goodies) Singh Uncle would urge us to gorge on. Our Mom would’d give us the ‘stern eye’ with a bid to intervene after we’d had 2-3 pieces of cake (it wasn’t proper if her children hogged like this) but the kind hosts would smile. Uncle would say ‘Inhi logon ke liye to banwaya hain, let them eat’! Having had variety of cakes since then, I never found the same taste.               

We may wonder, what’s the difference between a normal fruit cake & a Christmas cake ? Well traditionally Christmas cakes are like a labour of love, there is a feeding process with the Christmas cake which gives it a richer flavour. The longer you feed the cake, the better it is supposed to be. A lot of people who make their own Christmas cakes start the process around 6 months before the big day. Singh Uncle would order special Christmas cakes from local maker/bakery months in advance and preserve them in big, dry trunks. 

Singh Uncle passed away more than two decades ago as did our Dad and later Mom. We nostalgically reminisce these people specially on Xmas day, not just for the wonderful cakes but for the kindness and benevolence that they spread in the true Yuletide spirit ! At a time when Happy Xmas tidings are now more confined to social media messaging, Singh Uncle and his ilk remain symbols of the real Santa like experiences we truly had ! In our autumn years we often look back at those wonderfully idyllic times – our parents, Uncles, Aunts & Family Elders actually ‘Took the Cake’ with their simplicity & goodness.  

After receiving the ‘Lifetime Achievement’Award that some selected achievers receive along with tons of adulatory praise from the organisers, a speech by the winner is called for. Usually words are “I feel honoured, elated, humbled, overwhelmed…and now I have a few people to thank..’ and it goes on for some time. For those hitting a milestone Birthday or Anniversary, it’s a bit similar as family & friends celebrate !

One can’t help recall an Old ‘Grand-Uncle’ joke, when after a celebratory dinner, the Chief Guest (not very conversant with English Grammar) gave a short speech that had everyone in splits. He said ‘I enjoyed very much the Dinner and my Wife too !!’. In the countless training sessions from our working days, we learnt that after-dinner speeches need special skill – the full palate enjoys funny stories and not cold facts !  

An important person was about to deliver a after-dinner speech but before he could, a friend handed him a chit from his wife which had on it scribbled 4 letters ‘K I S S’. His friend whispered, your wife must love you a lot. The speaker said ‘It’s not that kind of ‘Kiss’ – this means is ‘Keep it Short, Stupid’ (And spare us the Stale Jokes !).

On my milestone 70^th Birthday in Dec, 2024, I too got an opportunity to thank my dearest family and friends for the praise lavished on me so generously & charitably. I was reminded of similar tributes received on my retirement day, ten years ago when I had said ‘Boss, you didn’t invite my family– at least they would’ve known my sterling qualities, which I think they’re not fully aware of !’ A great opportunity lost there !

How can we talk of ‘Awardee Speeches’ and forget the Annual ‘Oscar Nights’ show telecast worldwide, where apart from heart-warming, witty takes on other famous stars, the winners show their emotional sides or political stands, depending on ‘mood of the nation’. One Show even had the award winning Actor punching the main Host. Bollywood also has its version in ‘Filmfare’ awards where the punch-lines come from Comic Anchors and recipients of awards elaborately ‘Thank Everyone’ responsible ! 

After-dinner speeches aim to entertain, often using humor, personal anecdotes, and appreciation for the event/hosts, like thanking organizers for a great night. At a bash at a friend’s place or an in-house party, the boisterous men may be forgetful not to remember thanking the architect of the evening, the chief chef & the home-maker. Let’s revisit our table manners & post-dinner scripts before people stop inviting us. 

Liberal-spenders & Big-shoppers, today’s young ‘Millennial’ & ‘Gen X, Y & Zee’ might wonder how parents/elders during the 1960-70s era ran the households and raised kids with considerably smaller mean(incomes) & large joint families. Even in frugal days, our parents facing rising prices would teach us value things by setting examples everyday in austerity, sans ostentation. They made sacrifices to ensure saving of each penny possible that helped us go ahead in life with the right values. Agreed that life then was simpler.          

Strong emphasis on ‘thrift’ were at play when we joined banking profession in late 70s. It was the then sacred religion of all bankers (more so, the PSU banks) to practice three magic watchwords– the operating bottom-line, recovery of funds lent and CASA, short for Current & Savings Bank (SB) accounts. SB had its many virtues of being less costly, stable, spread among all sections/ages of people & free of ‘rate’ risks. No wonder, all banks ended up vying for a piece of the Savings cake by offering hybrid-products, linking it to fixed deposits and freebees for maintaining accounts with higher balance. While after the deregulation of Savings interest rate by RBI in 2011, many private banks started offering higher rates, PSU banks continued at 4% rate for long.

Suddenly, SB, the dependable veteran, is not much sought after. The Banks felt that too much Savings has come in and they no longer need to attract depositors with the same force. This has led to an all round free fall of SB deposit rates to as low as 2.5% to 3.0%. More important is the profile and saving propensity of Saving depositors. Ranging from pensioners, daily wage labourers, shopkeepers, vendors to salaried small savers, it’s the segment for whom bank deposits are the only social security they have, to fall back on. 

Yet, over last decade there’s been a cultural shift from ‘Saving’ to ‘Spending’ for aspiring, urban youth with higher incomes & vying for flashy life-styles. ‘Saving’ is outdated and indiscriminate spending is fueled by easy, accessible credit (EMIs,BNPL,Fin-tech loans). Lifestyle upgrades (gadgets, travel, dining, branded clothes etc) driven by social media comparison, alongside rising living costs, job insecurity & need to borrow for essentials like fooding, rentals, education etc are leading to debt for consumption rather than asset building. A ‘Spend now, Pay later’ culture has outpaced the income growth, trapping many in huge ‘debt traps’ & EMIs showing the path to early indebtedness for our youth !

Even as far back as in the 16^th Century, Shakespeare urging ‘self-sufficiency’ had said in his play ‘Hamlet’ : ‘Neither a borrower nor a lender be’ meaning that one should avoid lending or borrowing money as heavy debts can strain relationships and create financial burdens. In today’s quick-fix digital world, borrowing short-term is route to meeting out even day to day expenses but comes at very high cost. Old phrases like ‘Cutting your coat according to the cloth’ still hold good. Savings, in whatever form do become our lifeline ! Not just profligate people, nations spending more, need to control their ‘Fiscal Deficit’ !   

Old friends I at times meet, Say I’m still young and neat,

And heartfelt messages I get, May say I’m one of the best,

Humbly, I Agree to Disagree..

Nothing comes from nothing, And surely, nothing ever could,

Somewhere in youth or childhood, Elders saw in me something good,

And the blessings remain with Me..

Every day is new day for learning, Wonders still continue to amaze,

There’s much left to see & know, Time ticks on, with it we all flow,

Live today, future’s not ours to see..

Birthdays come and go every year, Yet best gifts are being reminded of, 

Wonderful family, friends who care, And the loving wishes they all share,

I’m blessed, people still think of Me !

18^th, December, 2025