A phrase often used for good-looking young pairs in our early,  pre-marriage years, was the imagery that came when ITC launched the campaign, ‘Made for Each Other’, in 1965 for Wills (Navy Cut) replete with the picture of a young couple sharing a laugh in different settings – reading a Polish joke book in living room, on the beach, in the rain ! This picture of marital bliss with its starry romance wasn’t so apparent to us, as two strangers in an arranged marriage wherein families were really ‘Made for Each Other’ ! 

Having put in four & half decades now, my much better half, Tandra & I, agree that old phrase wasn’t made for us. There’s been lot of ‘make-up’ and ‘make-do’ with each other over the years & it’s work in progress, as is with our much married dear friends. What stands out for most is ‘complementing’ rather than ‘complimenting’ the other half. We now hardly sing eulogies, but at times we offer apologies ! We’ve discovered that despite our individualities, our ‘complementary relationship’ with different characteristics can together make a “Whole.” Often our strengths & our weaknesses balance each other out.

In our case things panned out as if all planned ! As a senior citizen my hearing is getting impaired but she can still hear a pin drop ! My deftness with numbers (old banker habits never fade) is intact and I know by heart all my cell numbers, pins & passwords but she, sadly can’t remember her mobile phone number ! However, names of friends & family, birthday dates & anniversaries are hard-fed in her brain while I’m mostly at sea in that. But the biggest gap stays in our culinary skills, wife’s hands are gifted to transform the simplest into gourmet meals while my best effort is breakfast of toast & scrambled eggs !

Like normal old couples, we disagree on everything (ranging from shopping & spending to our health issues & politics) but we share many common interests that even surprise us. From films, theatre, books, music, singing to traveling & great cuisine have all been passions of our simple lives in which ‘Cricket’ and ‘Old Friends have had a special place ! Thrilling India matches are seen from separate rooms as I can get boisterous if India’s in trouble, while she’s all tensed up ! Being sporty types since childhood, in my heydays  I was a fairly decent Badminton & Cricket player while Tandra, a Champion Swimmer ! 

Friends, for lasting relationships, complementing each other while possessing different, often opposite, strengths or qualities are so vital. When combined, they create a better, more complete, effective whole. It signifies a synergistic relationship where one element enhances, improves or completes the other. Yet as always, the Mrs. is the Wiser-Half !

As children, rail travel to other towns wasn’t just the natural mode but so exciting for the sensory adventure of watching landscapes change from a window seat-hamlets, hills, meadows and lakes all left behind as the train trundled into another station and set of sounds, smells & stalls. It was then a novelty, sleeping in berths, the ‘chai-wala’s’ wake-up calls, freedom to wander carriages, reading a racy thriller or friendly co-passengers sharing stories and snacks. The entire experience felt like an adventure filled with new sights, sounds and social interactions that created lasting, nostalgic memories. 

Call  it ‘luck by chance’, I’ve been married to someone for 45 years who’s first two loves were trains and her Dad, a well-known Medical Officer in the Railways. That ‘train-bound’ love story continues even in our autumn years and whenever possible we opt for train travel, which we all agree has evolved in leaps and bounds and remains the most economical mode for a legion of middle class passengers. Not having travelled in the newest ‘Vande Bharat’ version of ‘Rail Yatra’, we chose to experience a cushy and fast-moving, seven hour journey from Madgao, Goa to Dadar, Mumbai yesterday afternoon !

Like excited kids we reached an hour before the departure time but somehow in their wisdom, ‘Vande’ train is always slotted for Platform 2 0r 3 & far across from Platform 1 So you’ll have to traverse a long over-bridge or walk with a coolie happily carting your luggage. It was hot and our Coolie empathized with Wife’s protests against the long walk and told her to hop on to the cart ! All seeming quaint & from the 60’s ! You also know trains needn’t have perfect timing every day ! It became apparent this ‘marvel’ of travel was running 2-3 hours but no one (except ‘running status’ on mobile) could predict by how much, until an hour later, announcements nailed it to 2 hrs, 30 mts.

Finally to the utter relief of harried looking travelers (two hours in waiting), the sleek looking, dome shaped ‘Vande’ train entered the portals of Platform 3 and we boarded a carriage like hopeful, resilient Indian passengers. Yes, the in-house décor, screens and layout is designed for comfort with fewer seats and great space for your legs & luggage !  The highlight of this smart little train, that has only 7 carriages, is the amazingly large toilet found in very clean state. But the snacks and meals were nothing to rave about !

Our train scheduled to reach Dadar at 10 pm finally touched down at 11.45 pm and we both, weary from our long ride reached home late at 1 am, after some yeoman help from a local Coolie who even got our luggage put on board the local from Dadar, Mumbai. Our ‘Vande’ experience was a mixed bag, good in parts and ‘OMG !’ at times ! Nothing is perfect in life but hyped trains & its systems must try to give us a chance to say ‘Wow !’     

We all have our favorites and fans like me, though pretty advanced in years, retain their loyalty as I have for the game of Cricket and the Cricket’s ‘Little Master’ Gundappa Vishwanath, popularly called ‘Vishy’ ! There is also some emotional attachment as he shares his name with my Dad (Late Biswanath Sinha), also a great cricket aficionado. In fact I saw Vishy’s maiden Test hundred against the Aussies in Kanpur’s Green Park in Nov, 1969 with my Dad going into raptures over his square cutting !    

Retired and ever maintaining a low profile, it was great to see the excerpts of Shekhar Gupta’s candid interview of the great batter, India’s real touch artist and an exponent of the square drive. Apart from his artistry in batting, the now reticent yet amiable Vishy is a fairly good communicator too, though he may not be in the eloquent class of Sunny ji. 

It would be our advice to prime time TV news English Channels that instead of leaning on the likes of lesser known Atul Wasan & Shishir Hattangadi for expert views on cricket matters or only relying on Sunny ji’s expertise, why not invite Vishy at times, to express his thoughts & ideas on how we can produce better Test Cricketers apart from offering off-side batting tips. Probably the best role model of sportsmanship in his days, he could also teach a lesson or two to present super rich, flashy stars of modern cricket, on humility & grace on and off the field !

A cultured and polite persona is cultivated from good schooling and breeding, yet its slowly disappearing from public discourses, chats and private conversations. My Dad used to say ‘In schools it was stressed: Remember You’re the Son of a Gentleman’ ! In our hometown Lucknow there was a sweet language of ‘Tehzeeb’ and old films of yore depicted values of ‘Sanskar aur Adarsh’. Today it all sounds didactic and preachy.

Just to recap those forgotten basics of ‘Etiquette’, ‘Good Manners’ are a set of polite, respectful, considerate behaviors used in day to day interactions to show kindness, build positive relationships and create a harmonious social environment. They are seen as a reflection of a person’s character and upbringing. The era of ‘utopian’ gentility seems now replaced by aggression, foul language, flayed tempers and uncontrolled speed that’s spilling out on streets, work places and homes of people.

How magical were commonplace & those seemingly mundane words ‘Please’, ‘Thank You’, ‘Sorry’, ‘Excuse Me’, ‘May I’ and humbly owning up to say ‘My Mistake’ ! Said with sincerity they show gratitude, a move at respectful request or for tendering a genuine apology that can make light of any differences. These brief expressions can convey empathy & responsibility when a mistake is made. Yet, in modern usage we find them thrown about peremptorily as ‘Ok, Thanks’, ‘Sorry ?’ and ‘Excuse Me ?!’

We are no domain experts in ‘Etiquette’ but a person exhibiting refinement in speech & demeanor is still considered ‘Classy’ compared to those displaying crass behavior. In our younger days the word ‘Gallant’ was used to describe those who stepped aside saying ‘Ladies First’, opened the car door to a lady or stood up when she entered (and that included the First Lady of the Home). With gender equality, today that ‘chivalry’ may be scoffed at but genteel women I feel, prefer ‘gentlemen’ with elegant gentility !

My ‘ Top Nine’ key areas of  ‘Decorum’ where there’s a lot desired in our conduct :

*Talk ‘Softly’ as against being loud and jarring – people listen more carefully then

* Await Your Turn : Be patient, don’t jump the queue or butt into conversations.

* Try to Smile More : A pleasing face is ever more welcome than a scowling one

* Acknowledge & reply to thosewho communicate (barring junk mail) with you  

* Drive responsibly and carefully, don’t endanger lives due to your recklessness

* Exercise patience in dealing with senior, elderly folks. Help them when you can

* Kindness reflects good character specially when dealing with the poorer sections

* Look Smart, Be organized – It’ll help others to trust you with important tasks

* Don’t Be Proud of your Power – You still ain’t Big Boss at home, No arguing that

It’s not too late to start : practice good manners, it’s “Golden Rule” of treating others as we want to be treated, helps create a more compassionate and harmonious world. Happy Valentine’s Day, Friends !     

This piece relates to what recently happened in a busy Mumbai local train – in broad daylight a senseless ‘rage’ crime was committed. It shook me because in two decades of commuting, one learnt to cope with the rush, jostling for space and someone beating you to a seat. It’s still a given that despite other means of available transport, a major part of Mumbai’s workforce travels by local trains day after day, year after year, for cost & convenience. It’s Mumbai’s ‘lifeline’ & any disruption to it throws the city out of gear ! 

In all my years of using locals (my daily to & fro commute to Churchgate involved about two-three hours ) was initially cumbersome but was still the fastest mode as compared to travel by road in choc-a-bloc peak hour traffic on all roads, highways. As one finds out gradually, life on the locals has its own flavor and rules ! In First Class, while only three can occupy one bench, its generally packed during peak hours and standing allowed up to one’s toes & face. A joke I first learnt was that the only difference between 1^st & 2^nd class was the crowds smell different ! The veteran commuters travel in groups and play cards through the journey, ‘Bhajan singing’ is popular and vendors also ply their stuff.

There have been various minor incidents that I’ve encountered. In early days, I once found my pocket picked. But imagine, purse had been skillfully put back minus the cash. With time I learnt the ropes like safely getting off a slowing train & avoiding hanging out as some do. Scuffles and altercations over seats or space have been rare and I’ve found co-passengers offering their seat to seniors. I’d also get chatty with familiar looking faces & made some lifelong friends who I’m still in touch with after retiring. In my experience, Mumbai commuters are educated for apart from service class, many are shop owners, working professionals & successful businessmen.

So I was utterly shocked to read that a young man in his 30s and a Maths Teacher by profession could get into an angry exchange over getting better space before alighting at station, that he was attacked by a sharp object and later died on his way to the hospital. His assailant fled the scene but was later apprehended by swift Mumbai police action. One knows of vehicle accidents & road ’rage’ violence, but to resort to killer attack only because of an altercation on a local, boggles the mind. What is this world coming to ?   

Remember our Literature classes and that remarkable poem titled ‘The Road Not Taken’ by the renowned poet Robert Frost written as far back as 1915. It ends with the beautiful lines ‘I took the one less traveled by and that has made all the difference.’ The message in a metaphorical sense enthuses one to think and act freely and not follow the beaten track! 

In real life and in modern times, we have to generally follow the ‘GPS’. Thanks to flyovers expressways and service by lanes, the roads are ‘many, circuitous and deep’ (inside), to borrow words again from poet Frost ! In today’s high speed travel by road, its advisable to follow signs and/or stop at the wayside stalls for directions. Only the undaunted will try to follow the routes less taken : for if a flyover too many is crossed, one might fly into the neighboring hamlets and cities, that are almost joined at the hip.

True, our ‘road journeys’ have ‘come a long way’, thanks to much improved connectivity, extensive & superfast lanes enabling travelling quickly to even distant cities ! That said, the ubiquitous roads and lanes within our megacities like Mumbai are in steady disrepair and constant repairs and roadblocks omnipresent. During rains there’s inevitable monsoon mayhem with potholes galore, vast areas waterlogged & daily traffic woes that have been the subject of study and debate of our civic administrators for decades.

Mumbai has just seen its biggest civic elections held after eight years and citizens anxiously await much improved civic amenities following the tall promises specially relating to the traffic snarls that continue unabated despite the Metro trains introduced & flyovers ! Like Mr.Frost, we average citizens in Mumbai for instance, try to find a road less taken but find almost all taken up and no parking available to squeeze in. I for one have decided that best parking is our Society compound & my car rests there grandly in my own parking space !  

Sometimes you have to take the only road available like the one just opposite our building where all the grocery shops, vendors and sundry stuff incl. ice-cream are at a stone’s throw. The problem is that with traffic in full flow, all drivers are in a tearing hurry to reach home after work. In developed countries we find car drivers slowing down to allow pedestrians to cross but in Mumbai the traffic threatens to hit or miss. One must show the physical agility and alacrity in running of a ‘Virat Kohli’, to cross to the other side. Yes, there are traffic lights but when they’re far apart, all drivers rush to beat the green light of the next signal.     

A tragic mishap occurred in Noida’s Sector 150 when 27 year old techie, Yuvraj Mehta was driving in night fog on a dark road with no warning signs of pit-falls ahead. Frost would have been disillusioned & lost if determined to take unexplored roads in our megacities !

We remember as it were yesterday, On a January morn’ 39 years past,

Tiny face & blue eyes peered at us, Little fingers that held on steadfast,

Now on threshold of new milestone, In your life’s stage that’s truly prime,

‘Thirty Nine’ looks good on you, Son, We pray that now comes your ‘Time’, 

Cheers to more amazing experiences, Growth, success and love like fine wine,

May good fortune crown your endeavor, Make all your dreams real and sublime,  

Today enjoy your Cake and lovely Gifts, For this day no one will be giving advice,

Every beautiful moment  be celebrated, Making memories that are warm & nice,

Tomorrow will come with life lessons,  As in Longfellow’s ‘Psalm of Life’

     ‘Let us be up and doing, Still achieving and

     Still pursuing (our goals), Learning to labor on,

     And unafraid of waiting..’

     Happy Birthday Nanu &  God Bless !

     Love, Papa & Mummy – 21, Jan,26

Among the ‘generic’ words while wishing or sending messages to relatives & friends is the fine adjective ‘Heartfelt’ that’s appended to the greetings, conveying thanks, offering sympathies or apologies (as in belated birthday wishes). In practice, most messages and the on-line greetings are more of a ritual to adhere to the social protocols. Use of catchy forwards borrowed from other sources and ‘cut & paste’ modes, make our task easier.

What’s so special about ‘heartfelt’ wishes and in today’s rapid-fire texts and speech is it discernible ? For one, it has a different feel, emphasizes genuineness showing something coming from the “heart” & not being superficial (& routine). It needn’t be elaborate, but have absence of hypocrisy, feigning or any falsifying embellishment or exaggeration. Beyond the language sincere acts of love & compassion come across as ‘heartfelt’. In our time, the outdated ‘Archie’ cards with words in own writing, added a personal touch !

Some of our talented kith & kin and close friends have a knack for making others feel ‘elated’ on milestone occasions by dedicating a self-made piece of art, painting, poem or writing. Spouses are full of surprises, that don’t always meet with the needed approval but buying one’s favorite item, arranging a snap party, an exotic dinner or sudden travel plan qualifies as a heartfelt gesture. For my milestone ‘70^th’ birthday, my much better-half, tirelessly worked to not only efficiently organize a grand party at a lovely joint but with clandestine guile, contacted my closest friends and persuaded them to attend it !  

An important aspect of ‘heartfelt’ action is thoughtfulness, creativity & being observant to what others like & conjuring a special gift tailored to his/her taste, liking or passion. One of the finest examples came from the legendary ‘Sunny Gavaskar’ in fulfilling the  promise he’d earlier made to cricketer (and avid guitar player) Jemimah Rodrigues. He presented her with a guitar that was amazingly shaped like a cricket bat & he also sang !

Heartfelt are ‘upstanding’ words & support to others in times of distress, facing a crises  or personal loss and that involves offering them unwavering presence, emotional backup and practical help that can make them feel less alone and overwhelmed. The real value of a relationship is often tested not in ‘happy’ times together but in moments of crises !

Finally, it’s spontaneity and sincere intent that matters. Recently a dear friend sent us a beautiful wall hanging for the New Year. Instead of a usual thank you note, I sang and video-taped a Hindi film song with appropriate lyrics & posted it to him. His reply was also in the ‘song’ mode, except that he’s not quite a singer by a long yard and was only appreciating the way we had thanked him ! They were tuneless words sung by him yet it stole our hearts in its glow of warm-hearted reciprocity.    

Our culture of music, art and literature never make us forget or overlook treasures from the past which remain truly ageless. Among many others, one iconic song that has held centre-stage after more than a century is ‘Ekla Chôlo Re’. It is a Bengali patriotic song written by Rabindranath Tagore in 1905 but though the lyrics are in that language it has had great universal appeal. As an inspirational ‘tagline’ it’s widely used by motivational speakers and is often quoted in the context of socio-political change movements and was a favourite of the Mahatma !

The song has a fascinating history and has been the subject of research of Gurudev’s immense body of work. Originally titled as “EKLA”, this most uplifting song was first published in September 1905 issue of  Bhandar magazine & was influenced by a popular Bengali Kirtan song. Like many of his legendary songs, ‘Ekla Cholo’ has had renditions not only from leading exponents of ‘Rabindra Sangeet’ like Suchitra Mitra and Hemanta Mukherji but also by greats like Kishore da, who trained to sing in this genre. Bollywood too was not to be left behind – In 2004, it’s tune was used with Hindi lyrics composed by A.R Rahman and sung by Sonu Nigam in ‘Netaji Subhas Chandra Bose: The Forgotten Hero’. In the celebrated ‘2012’ film ‘Vidya Balan’ starrer ‘Kahaani’, it is sung by Big B, under music direction of  Vishal-Shekhar.

What do the words of the song mean ? A beautiful English translation by Sumona Roy :-

‘If they pay no heed to your call

Walk on your own.Walk alone,

Walk alone, walk alone, walk all alone.

If none speaks, o wretched one,

If all turn their face away & cower in silence

Then open out your heart

Dear one, speak out your mind, voice alone.

If everyone spurns, o wretched one

If all leave you in the lurch in wilderness

Then trample the trail of thorns

With blood stained feet alone, on your own.

If no one holds up a light, o wretched one

And bolts the doors in dark, stormy night 

Then in the lightning fire of pain

Kindle your own heart and

Keep it burning bright alone.’

Watch Film on Netflix

This is a ‘rom-com’ that you’re likely to pick if looking for a break from mindless crime & action genre films and something light and funny. This one fits the bill to some extent but as it happens, sequels rarely live up to promise of first part like ‘De De Pyaar De’ 1 (2019). We confess to bias also, for it was Tabu’s fiesty aura (as the separated wife of Ajay Devgn) that we missed in the Sequel apart from delightful set-ups created in Part 1.

The vexed issue of an attractive young girl insisting on someone much older in age as a life-partner raising hackles in family elders (and relatives in general) was explored & got critical acclaim in R Balki’s ‘Chini Kum’ (2007) with Tabu & Big B ! This film takes off where the Part 1 ended on ‘Thumbs Up’ from the Man’s family comprising of parents, ex-wife and children but not before lots of hits and misses with high drama and laughs. It’s now turn of the Girl’s folks for the shock !

The sequel has however, most significantly the versatile actor Madhavan stepping into a senior role as the heroine’s dishy looking Dad. He makes a  contented pair with Gautami Kapoor, both so-called progressive parents, till ‘fats in in fire’ when they’re confronted with a far older person, their daughter is determined to wed. The plot is all about the shenanigans and maneuvering, Karan Johar type wedding dances and also reference to ‘DDLJ’ and SRK’s valiant efforts to woo his girl’s reluctant Dad. It starts as a frothy mash-up but turns into ‘emotional atyachaar’ in the middle overs, till the makers decide the script be retrieved to an illogical conclusion & so again revert to comedy.

There are mentionable performances – specially Rakul Preet’s spirited show while Ajay Devgn plays the perfect foil to her, as a subdued man trying to manfully face the harsh social realities that he faces. Two other notable actors on show are veteran Javed Jafri as the hero’s Counsellor cum trusted friend and his son, Meezaan, exuding sleek vibes ! Because his role involves some theatrics, the usually impeccable Madhavan, also hams ! We all empathize with his character, the societal pressures make it tough for parents to go along with the curious choices their children make, for it’s a reflection on them too !   

Our suggestion is to friends to seek out the old Hollywood classic “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner’(1967) starring Spenser Tracy, Katherine Hepburn & Sidney Poitier, with a similar theme but made in an entirely different era and with racism as it’s backdrop. A well to do senior white couple have an educated daughter who informs that she’s met someone & wants to bring him over to meet them. When he arrives they are completely taken aback- their child has decided to marry this ‘black’ man & they’re not ready for it at all…It’s a beautiful, thought-provoking film !