Category: Life Experiences

O God It’s ‘Monday’ !

Way back in the 70s, we as youngsters loved a zany American movie  called “ Thank God Its Friday “ which went on to become a cult theme and remains one till today. Working people across all ages, classes and countries show universal solidarity when it comes to welcoming every weekend like a lost brother ! The flip side to it has been the disdain and the depressed feeling accompanying it, every Monday morning at the start of another long week….( and more so after a lo-ong weekend ! )   

As a retired professional banker having worked in Mumbai for over a decade, where an average working day spreads across 14-15 hours (adding the travel time), everyone I have known (me included) is emotionally attached to the weekend syndrome for many reasons (pending housework, social obligations, family outings, movies, chilling out and sleeping- to name a few) but most of all, no office and no boss !  

Another legitimate reason given is that most people today are caught in the inevitable time warp – great, exciting  jobs are few and far between and too many men and women quickly settle for a mundane job-role and a boring work-week that sustains itself on looking forward to Friday and the work-free weekend.

But there is news from beyond, you can love ‘Mondays’ too if you are  really passionate about loving what you’re doing and creating hugely fulfilling results ! Motivational pundits, mentors and coaches have shown the path to employees to discover how to love their work-place and win at work with employers/bosses offering the right creative space and opportunities to them and people experiencing a powerful and visible commitment to their success.

This may sound futuristic to us but the prospect of loving the dreaded  ‘Monday’ appears fascinating !  A work-space with bright ambience, welcoming smiles all around, a shift from a “why we can’t” to a “how we can” workplace and each one backing up the other. But what of the leader who could take everyone forward each day. Those in command need not always have extra-ordinary talents  but  have that empathy and  “soul” that cares, nurtures, brings out the best in the others they lead !

And then, incredible as it may sound, we would find ourselves longing to go back to work where everyone exclaims  “Thank God Its Monday“ !

Banking

Friends

Some of the most endearing stories that can win hearts and inspire faith in humanity are those that are to be found in lasting friendships. As the old adage, if recast in the today’s grim scenario, would go – ‘you can’t choose your relatives, you don’t pick your boss, you mightn’t trust your luck with the new house-maid or driver’ – but most certainly you can bank upon your old friend/s. As Henry Higgins (remember ‘My Fair Lady’) would say to his long standing companion, Col. Pickerin, ‘Why can’t they be more like you’ ?!

In a strife ridden world of antagonism, rancor and mistrust, there have also been many exemplary characters whose irrefutable friendships have stood the test of time. We also have our learnings from our mythology of the kind of unshakeable faith and ties that existed between Lord Krishna and Arjun, Karna and Duryodhan, Lord Ram and Sugreev and many such legends.

My favorite friendship stories come from the world of sport where though men and women strive to outdo each other in sporting competiveness many forge alliances which last lifelong. Tennis legends Bjorn Borg and John McEnroe fought many an epic battle on the court but ended up as best of friends, so much so, that Borg was best man at John’s famous wedding !

From our own sub-continent, is  cricket’s wonderful camaraderie between arguably the best opening ODI pair India has ever produced – Sachin Tendulkar and Sourav Ganguly, who together featured in over 8800 runs in partnership. Their mutual admiration and friendship has lasted 30 long years and is the stuff that legends are made of. On his 46th birthday two days back, ‘Dada’ got special wishes, written in chaste Bengali from the ‘God of Cricket’, Sachin !

The subject of friendship became the theme for one of America’s longest running popular sitcoms ‘Friends’. The players became household names and actress Jennifer Aniston a superstar. Interestingly it also started a great bonding between Jennifer and actress Courtney Cox for all times to come. This when it’s believed two actresses cannot be good friends !

Hollywood with its rich history has many lovable anecdotes on friendship. The lead actors of the magnum opus ‘Titanic’ – Leonardo De Caprio and Kate Winslet after enjoying all the acting accolades from the monumental movie, went on to forge a lasting friendship which has continued for over two decades !

How can one miss out on Hindi cinema’s great friendship stories which are many but to me the most poignant and eternal were the ones between the ace actors and those who provided their golden singing voices – Raj Kappor and Mukesh, Dev Anand and Kishore and Shammi Kapoor and Md. Rafi !

It would not be entirely right to say that the present generation with all its intensity and passion, possibly cannot keep up to the demand of enduring friendship but that’s how it appears to old-timers. I remember my father’s friends stick by him (and he to them ) right till their autumn years. That gentile tradition has continued – we too can proudly say  that some of us in our ‘old friends’ group have had the same strong ties for the last over five decades !

What then is lasting friendship all about ? As usual , the Bard puts it best – ‘ A friend is one who knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become,  and still gently allows you to grow ’ !

Vipin

What’s Up with WhatsApp

In a highly competitive world, strong on letting out emotions, aggression and urge to control, the voices of rational thinking individuals is a far cry. Today so overwhelming is the emotionally overpowering content visible in the social media that one’s thinking is drowned in the barrage ! For a long time there have been people ‘shooting from the lip’ and with a penchant for sensational revelations and opinions based on obscure facts. Add to this is the ability to ‘verbally fire’ first and apologize later if there is a ‘storm in the tea-cup’ or the established ‘apple-cart is getting upset’ !

With ‘WhatsApping’ becoming the most handy means of communication for sharing of news, views and ideas between groups, there appears to be an alarming rise in misinformation with malicious intent, leading the authorities to hasten the implementation of measures aimed at curbing the spread of fake news which have triggered serious incidents of violence in the country. Also, in a mad race of being one up, there’s a blitz of forwards, without checking source, facts or data, to impress others.

Why do some people behave so irrationally on the different platforms, even if they have no ulterior motives or axe to grind. Communication experts have another term for this- ‘An Amygdala Hijack’ – an immediate and overwhelming emotional response out of proportion to the stimulus because it has triggered a more significant emotional threat. The Amygdala is the part of our brain that handles emotions. During an Amygdala Hijack, the Amygdala “hijacks” or shuts down the neo-cortex or the rational thought processing of the brain. The Amygdala is responsible for the perception of emotions such as anger, fear, and sadness, as well as the controlling of aggression. The Amygdala helps to store memories of events and emotions so that an individual may be able to recognize similar events in the future.

We all undergo ‘Brain-fade’ some time not only on the social media but in all spheres of living. Quite frequently, we ‘lose it’ while bumbling into over-crowded trains to work /travel, negotiating impossible vehicular traffic, dealing with unruly people, non-sympathetic bosses, civic authorities, difficult suppliers/vendors and debates with younger family members in the inevitable generation gap ! The trick is to get hold of yourself when the ‘Hijack’ is getting triggered and get into the pause mode and take a deep breath. No action at that point is the best action ! Why indulge in antics for which you have to say sorry later – pause now to smile later !

(pic source : mirrorcitizen.dailymirror.lk)

Whatsapp cartoon

June’s Here, Can ‘Mumbai Rains’ Be Far Behind ?

In Hrishida’s delightful 70’s breezy comedy “Chupke Chupke’, the dimpled heroine bashfully sings ‘Ab Ke Sajan Sawan Mein, Aag Lagegi… ’ to conjure up visions of idyllic joy and gay abandon, welcoming the monsoon rains, while Big B in one of his earlier films, croons Kishoreda’s evergreen melody ‘ Rimjhim Gire Sawan, Sulag Sulag Jaye…’ with the same heady romance. These are only two of the many scores of musical treats dedicated to the rains by the imaginative Bollywood song-writers since decades, so much so, that a song-dance rain sequence was mandatory in Hindi films till some time ago.

Why do rains bring such emotions of liberation and mystic adventure with all its myriad hues, lush greenness and even rainbows on odd days ?! What deserve special mention are the famous ‘Mumbai Rains’  that typically hit the metropolis (and the state) in June first week and last about two months. The famed ‘Mumbaikar spirit’ is known as much by its undeterred ability to weather the lashing winds and heavy downpours as being enthralled by the lyrical ‘monsoon’ flavors akin to the surreal aura created in our films !

The love Mumbai has had for it’s rains is simply quite incomparable. The maximum city that runs over each other all throughout the year and where, life in general and commuters in particular, mean no less than a struggle, all takes a break for good month or two as it breathes the cool ‘monsoon’ air that brings the soaring temperatures and sultriness down dramatically.

There are certain experiences that everyone living here should have to make the Mumbai rains a memorable one. One of my first cultural initiations to this city was the walk along the iconic Marine Drive with Arabian Sea winds blowing across a strong drizzle. Watching huge waves lashing the rocks on Bandra Bandstand or the Worli Sea-face is another major draw for people  across the megapolis, while thousands throng the Juhu beach in the rains. The historic Gateway of India is the perennial tourist’s delight with ferries and catamarans plying across turbulent waters of the Arabian Sea for a thrilling experience. What add to the ‘monsoon’ flavours are the eateries working overtime – from ‘chai, vada-pav and bhujias’ of the road-side vendors to the classy, quaint cafes of South Mumbai, the range is awesome !

Over the years, with the teeming millions that have made Mumbai their home, the endless high-rises springing up to cater to them, ineffectiveness of the BMC to keep the roads travel worthy, authorities continually engaged to extend the metro rail network and such other factors have put immense pressure of city’s infrastructure and drainage system-consequently every monsoon becomes a nightmare for commuters with almost all major roads getting water logged, potholes galore, dilapidated buildings, trees crashing down, local trains delayed, buses, cars getting caught in huge traffic snarls ! Maximum city’s ‘monsoon’ joy is slowly transforming into maximum woes.

Yet with Mumbai there’s always hope that things will surely improve – for Mumbaikars will yet say  ‘Jo Bhiga Hai, Woh Baarish Se Nahi Darta Hai..’ !

Mumbai Rains

Revisiting Malthus ?

Natural disasters happening with alarming frequency – earthquakes, tycoons, storms, deluge of floods all over the world. Alternating between certain years of droughts are torrential rains in various parts of our country, presently inundating some of our North-Eastern states. Too close for comfort are the spells that paralyze life, disrupt public transport and maroon many parts of our ‘maximum city’ Mumbai – also a startling reminder of the famous economist, Robert Malthus and his classical work we read in our post-graduate classes famously known as the ‘Malthusian theory of population growth’.

We would recall that Malthus examined the relationship between population growth and resources and arrived at the theory that population growth occurs exponentially, so it increases according to birth rate. On the other hand, food production increases arithmetically, so it only increases only at given points in time. Thus he had derived the postulate that, left unchecked, populations can outgrow their resources.

There are two types of ‘checks’ that can reduce a population’s growth rate according to Malthus. Preventive checks are voluntary actions people can take to avoid contributing to the population. Because of his religious beliefs, he supported a concept he called moral restraint, in which people resist the urge to marry and reproduce until they are capable of supporting a family. Positive checks to population growth are things that may shorten the average lifespan, such as natural calamities and disease, warfare, famine, poor living and working environments. The startling prediction was that eventually these positive checks would result in a Malthusian catastrophe which is a forced return of a population to basic survival.

Though later contested by many economists, the subsequent industrial revolution and technological breakthroughs in almost all fields, the Malthus postulates conceived some three centuries ago, suddenly appear too close for comfort.

As  one noted ecologist has opined ‘ while global warming is exacerbating environmental disasters, the root causes often lie in poor planning, disregard for good science and citizen apathy’. Studies now reveal that global warming is expected to make vegetables significantly scarcer around the world, unless new growing practices and resilient crop varieties are adopted and environmental changes such as increased temperature and water scarcity may pose a real threat to global agricultural production with likely further impact on food and health and lives of people.

Of greatest concern is the recent report from India’s think-tank Niti Aayog that our county may be heading for its worst water crises and almost 800 million people may face acute water shortage very soon. It also estimates that demand for water will be twice as much as the available supplies by 2030. What will it do to our economy and people ?

All this highlights the crying need to protect the environment, curb the staggering pollution levels that are engulfing our cities, develop alternate sources of energy, control unbridled population growth and bring about an abiding balance between man and nature – bereft of which, the future doesn’t seem to look very bright for the next generation.

( pic source : the nextweb.com )

pollution

Fine Art of Receiving Praise

It’s always said that we must be open to feedback, analysis and criticism in a positive way for they help us introspect, improve and grow.  What about having the right attitude and grace while receiving praise – assuming that it’s genuine even if it’s in the form of grudging admiration, back handed compliments and from the least expected quarters ! Strangely, a large number of people do not know how to handle praise (not taking celebrities, the very rich and famous into account who are generally subjected to much adulation and get trolled too).

Expectedly, different people react differently – the gentle ones get overwhelmed, for their humility doesn’t allow them to have claim to high acclaim. The suspicious types have mind-set that says we cannot possibly deserve such feedback – anyone who pays us a compliment must be either lying, misguided, or feeling sorry for us and is suspect ! Others acknowledge with a cryptic ‘thank you’ not knowing who to react possibly because they are not used to paying compliments either. But the ‘unkindest cut’ comes when one doesn’t appreciate the complimentary gesture, if one considers others being in an lesser position of authority .

A compliment is, after all, a kind of gift, and turning down a gift insults the person giving it, suggesting that you don’t value them as highly as they value you. On the other hand, paying right compliments is an art. My Dad, who would always inspire everyone with encouraging words, had once said to me ‘ If you’ve to say something good to someone don’t hold back – be eloquent, generous and large-hearted. When you’re being critical be direct, honest, don’t overstate the issue and repeat yourself..’

There are also those who know how to share credit when received – I had once written an article for my Boss which appeared in the newspaper under his name and got him high praise. He directed these to me captioning ‘ You deserve’ ! One need not be arrogant to take a compliment well, just a reasonably well-balanced, self-assured person.

Unless one’s a professional critic or book-reviewer by choice ( or the favourite of the Boss in the office !) , why should one praise others ? Many people, with a high opinion of themselves, find nothing praiseworthy. When and if they do, vanity prevents them to indulge in what they consider flattery or patronage ! An old colloquial proverb simply puts it ‘Only a true goldsmith recognizes the really precious metal !’ My favourite quote remains –  ‘To dance in the rain, you must first learn to praise HIM in the storm’

Receiving Praise

( picture source : soulopeners.org )

The World of Chase

Belonging to much-before era from the ‘Harry Potter’ series and the Sci-fi movies and the advent of Net and ‘Net-flix’, many of us during the 60-70s were hooked onto one of the most prolific British writers of racy thrillers, called ‘James Hadley Chase’ ! I for one, can hardly remember having missed any of his ‘un-putdownable’ pieces of fiction which portrayed the underbelly of an amoral society driven by avarice and carnal lust to become rich and violence and crime that invariably surfaces there-from.

Born as René Lodge Brabazon Raymond, he was well known by his various pseudonyms, but by far the most popular one was ‘James Hadley Chase’. With pulsating titles like ‘Strictly for Cash’, ‘Tiger by the Tail’, ‘Safer Dead’. ‘You’ve Got it Coming’. ‘The Whiff of Money’ and many others, the Chase novels could grip from the first page. No literary genius, he was a superb spinner of spell-binding yarns set in Europe and US, which would occupy most of my waking hours in long train travels ! The climax would generally be explosive as the title of one of his famous novels ‘The Sucker Punch’ !

My favourite was ‘Hippie on the Highway’ which provided the inspiration for the amazing Hindi comic-thriller ‘Victoria 203’ ! It is said that one of his novels ‘ The Wary Transgressor’  was lifted by Hans Hellmut Kirst in perhaps his most famous novel ‘ The Night of the Generals’, which later became a popular film starring the incredible actor, Peter O’Toole in the title role.

Another facet was the wry humour and sardonic feel of his protagonists. Some interesting characters of the police force also recurred in his novels – Sergeant Lepski, the brilliant but violent cop, his superior Lt.Beigler and sensible Chief of Police, Terrell – all working to control crime in the city and nail the killers ! There was also ace Investigator, Maddox, who could smell a false insurance claim, miles away.

All his plots, however, reveal that many with dysfunctional backgrounds have a grouse against socially successful and immoral greed and lust brings out their sordid side to commit heinous crimes for which there is no redemption eventually. It’s really doesn’t pay in the end.

Why revel in the Chase novels after all these years when the present generation wouldn’t know them. It’s uncanny that his depiction of seamy side of civilised society with all its scars and blemishes surfaces with more frequency in today’s world specially the West.

Despite being a major superpower, with all its research, technology, innovations and Nobel prize winners, America’s recurring incidences of mass shootings and it’s violent gun-culture, show ugly manifestations of extreme materialism and break-down of core human values from time to time in certain sections of its society.

James Hadley Chase

 

Repairs and Maintenance

In school, such stirring lines as in poet Henry Longfellow’s “A Song of Life ” ‘…Life is real ! Life is earnest !…’ exhorted us that you have only one life in the here and now, so make the most of it. But modern day lifestyles extol more on the lines of – life is mending, life is repairing, life is upgrading ! It’s not just about fixing impaired alliances, broken hearts, college admissions, new tax laws and dwindling investment returns or avoiding the unending potholes but maintaining what you still have !

To come straight to the matter’s crux, during the last few months, three fourths of our family time has been invested in hardware repairs and maintenance with the assistance of a variety of specialists –setting right the problems ailing the almirah locks and knobs, falling clothes line, bulbs, geezers and ACs to debugging the laptop, replacing the desktop monitor and getting rid of archaic cable-wala in favour of a new Tata Sky connection were the high-points. However, a formidable list remains to be attended – the leaking roof and the broken tiles in the sitting room ! This is not to underestimate the power of Mumbai traffic snarls and the  intrepid mobikes/autos to dent the car at least on weekly basis and regular repair visits to neighbor-hood mechanic who smiles ironically at the poor vehicle !

Coming to other issues of mundane nature but vital in importance, the usual monthly house maintenance, electricity, gas, mobile bills and Home Loan EMIs which all civilized people meet through ECS or on-line but aren’t there also dozens hounding you for new credit cards, travel schemes, home/car loans and club memberships while retired folks ( like me) receive offers on phones to earn by becoming insurance salesman . Skillfully yet patiently avoiding these traps is needed to maintain sanity !

With fixed deposit rates now plummeting to unprecedented depths, the average house-man (or lady) has to relook his portfolios and seek market advice on how to frugally maintain the depressed looking incomes.

In meeting all these challenges, what remains overlooked is maintaining  the physical self – what then of the morning walks, visits to the gym, low calorie diets and no fried stuff and eateries ? With such pressures and demands on your time, it’s likely that you’d rewrite the famous lines – ‘What is this life, if full of care – we fill our hours to mend and repair !’

Road Repairs

 

 

Making Choices and the ‘Toss’ of Life

Sports like everything else in life faces the challenging dynamics of change . Take the recent proposals in the cricketing world for doing away with the most important first reel of a cricket match ‘the toss’ or the flick of the coin to determine which team has the right to choose to bat or field first.Since there is another version of the ‘toss’ in other sports like tennis and badminton which is not facing any removal, why is toss so vital in the game of cricket ?

As the buffs will understand, in cricket the pitch conditions have a bearing on how the ball will swing/move/bounce and turn to the detriment or benefit of the team batting first. The home-team always has the distinct advantage of preparing the pitch to suit its players and to negate this, it was proposed by ICC officials, that the visiting team would have the choice ( to bat or field first) and the toss became redundant in that case. Deliberations by the Committee appointed by ICC has opined that the ‘toss’ remains an integral part of cricket’s game of ‘glorious uncertainties’ and adds that bit of suspense and agility of the teams and its players to adjust to conditions, often to expect the unexpected and learn to cope with it.

Extending this to the broader canvas of life, management gurus have conceptualized it into the ‘choices’ that one must take (right from Lord Krishna’s epic exhortation to Arjun on the battlefield !). As all of us have experienced, to make the right choice is uncertain but not making a choice is risky, for chances and opportunities lost may not fall our way again. The elements of risk-taking abilities start playing a role but as fund-managers of mutual funds always advise – study, spread and balance your risks. They add, however, that more risk will also fetch more returns !

Some whom we may call adventurers (and reckless ?) are the ones who love quick bucks, job changes, flashy cars, stock market booms, adventure sports and risks of a life in fast lane ! There are others fearful of making changes or committing mistakes, preferring to stay close to what is familiar and not wandering too far and that includes their choices and decisions.

Today, one would have imagined that the progeny of the average, middle-class parents would grow up to be conservative, austere and reticent in their attitudes. However, modern living brewing in a multi-cultural ethos of big cities is throwing up huge surprises catching old traditions and elders off guard. The liberal socio-economic environment and sense of freedom is making our youth just dive into life and do what they feel is right with enthusiasm and excitement, while two decades ago they would have many reservations at the thought of having to step up to anything that might require taking bold action.

At times, the fault lies with parents who try to control too much of their children’s early lives and actions fearing that they will miss out on what the parents, deem to be important unless they chart the proper course for them. Often this later takes the form of rebellion and expression of new found freedom – doing the exact opposite of what the parents wanted.Despite their well–meaning moves, parents have to retract at some stage.

At the end of the day, decision-making is something we all need to learn how to do. More importantly, it has to be taught from very early on since decision-making takes years of practice and the developing right attitudes towards taking responsibilities for one own actions. Learning how to make good choices and wise decisions is not included in school curriculum –they form part of life’s experiences and in owning up to the mistakes made !

Courage

The Morning Walk, Eat and Talk

One of my favourite lines (specially for those in positions of authority and power ) is to ‘Walk the Talk’ which is newer way to extol ‘Practice what you Preach’. Apart from many issues that are moral, spiritual and philosophical, this applies as much to physical exercise and the virtues of early ‘morning walk’ which are widely accepted but not followed in true letter and spirit !

While for the happening younger set it‘s the in-thing to sweat and work-out (or pump iron for the seriously physique-conscious !) in a gym that has cool ambience and modern equipments, health-conscious ‘aam-aadmi/aurat’ in almost all our cities are seen thronging the streets and parks for an early morning jog and then switching over to office-gear to catch 8 am bus/train !

Why is the ‘morning walk’ so highly rated as the best ( and the cheapest ?) form of physical exercise apart from the wonders it’s supposed to do to our hearts ? Research proves that numerous benefits accrue – Walking gives you energy for the rest of the day, it’s motivating and removes the “I’ll do it later” excuse, creates a positive mindset for other important activities, gives you time to plan out the day and yes, it ‘magically’ promotes weight loss !

Very importantly, as I’ve discovered during my daily outings, walking in the morning has many social benefits too. Several groups of like-minded people of different age-groups converge at a common dhaba/tea stall and talk animatedly on all subjects under the soft morning sun, over tea and ‘snacks/phafda/phuckas..’. The biggest beneficiaries of morning sojourns appear to be the happy looking, grey haired men’s group (read retired !) who seem to having the time of their lives. They may or may not be part of a ‘Laughter Club’ but have their own stock of morning jokes to relate !

In fact, one of my friends (from senior citizen’s category) is part of a group which meets every Sunday morning in a well-known park to enjoy breakfast goodies pooled in by the members. It’s lot of fun and talk and a little walk !

Morning Walk