When I was in my early 40s, I spent a lot of time with my parents as I was posted in my hometown, Lucknow for a few years. My Dad played the doting Grand-Dad to my two sons. He was the vibrant, cheerful septuagenarian, playing cricket with them and being their friend, story-teller and guide. Time moved on also I did to another posting. In my later interactions, there was a profound change in Dad’s disposition. He felt a sense of  loss & inevitability. His friends of decades, were leaving having played their innings ! 

More than two decades later, we in our 70s are on the same cross roads. Old memories and friends matter much, as we see the world fleeting by & transforming with alacrity. Losing old friends, especially those who felt like family as we reconnected again, is a profound and often quiet form of grief that can feel as painful as a breakup. When old friends leave “forever”- it is a difficult transition that often involves losing witnesses to our life story. I understand now what Dad had felt then, as we face this cycle of life.

As professional bankers we were used to due dates and maturity being fixed & known in advance. But it doesn’t quite work like that in real life where only the birth date remains unchanged. Studies on the average human life span are holistic with no guarantees of individual performance. The Bard had profoundly said ‘Life is a Walking Shadow..’ to mean that human existence is brief, fleeting and lacks substance. Despite the experience we’ve gained, its tough to accept our fallibility and unpredictability of ‘what lies ahead’.  

Having said that, there’s the resilient part of us that navigates the painful loss of friends realizing that sometimes friends and some loved ones are only meant to be part of your story, for a season, not the entire book. Write down good memories and lessons learned from the dear departed to honor the past while accepting that the present has changed.  The goal is to reach a point where you can look back at the good times with the friends who left us with fondness, while appreciating our own life and those we have as of now. 

Finally, here’s another thought – just as eagles fly alone, sometimes, being with yourself with your strong belief system means, you are meant to grow stronger on your own !

It’s always so good to start the day on a high note – it can be a call, letter, message or a newspaper piece that hits your eye. Today, it was a lovely write-up from the ‘Speaking Tree’ section in ‘TOI’ that extols the extraordinary virtues and strengths of my favorite Super-hero, ‘Hanuman ji’, in the most simple language that every youth should read ! In  our religiosity and faith that we’ve imbibed since our childhood & lessons in folklore learnt through cultural upbringing, there’s been an invincible side to HIM in our Epics !

However, in a more modern context of say, the panoramic IPL cricket that’s taken over our sporting world, other learnings from ‘Hanumanji’ could be of a perfect ‘Team Man’ who never questions the Captain or Leader on his decisions yet contributes in the battle in most innovative ways making him the greatest ever all rounder. He could fit into any role, infinitely big or inscrutably small but would be up to the task given, never claiming any credit. The ‘Deity’ assumes human forms as inspired people rise to the occasion !

The incomparable PG Wodehouse, dedicated one of his books thus “To my daughter, without whose never-failing sympathy and encouragement this book would have been finished in half the time.” Was this appreciation or affection in another form ?  Another British legend, Cricketer Tony Greig, in one of his after dinner speeches, said to his wife of 40 years “Honey would you have in your wildest dreams ever thought I would be so successful ?” To which his wife replied with a dead-pan look “But you never appeared in my wildest dreams!” Underneath the banter, there was endearing love but that was long ago.In a cynical, disparaging world, are we losing out on afterglow of appreciation ?!

Life, after all, is so much about expressing praise for others, for nature and to feel good for what God’s gifted us. So let’s begin with enjoying the little things in life. These may be a fun time with old friends & family, it may be the joy of learning something new, it may be listening to the gurgle of your grandchild or it may be the warm feeling you get when you’ve done a good act for a colleague, friend, stranger, it may be singing an old song or enjoying a sunset from your rooftop or watch nature bloom in your back garden. Yet, we’d rather carry that tedious burden over the passage of days, weeks, years and decades in quest of success and glory .

The great thinker, Voltaire had said “Appreciation is a wonderful thing. It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.” What makes better human beings is learning to appreciate others’ ideas, sincerity, contribution, good deeds etc. Once, I was told by a person I happened to help out in course of my work “You changed the course of my life“. I felt elated and humbled. In the work-place, appreciation is generally guarded “Good effort but there’s scope for doing better” which means that we’ve given your due let’s get on with it. Too early to celebrate ?

The two strong pillars in the great construction called ‘Marriage’ are understanding and appreciation. Often, things are left unsaid or taken as granted. Yes, it is the gesture that matters but texture and text also do ! Life has become busier & more fast paced but try to appreciate the people in your life all year around rather than on special occasions only. Family, co-workers, friends & loved ones are always there to help celebrate our achievements with us and rally around to pick us up when we’re down. By appreciating them the way they deserve, we can reciprocate the care and appreciation they have already given to us.

As one lady-wit had said “If you have a secret, share it with your husband. He is never listening” Bitter truth which reflects the immense faith wives have in their husbands but one senses genuinely fond appreciation even if  it’s back-handed !  

When we hear of a school mate, who’s associated with many old memories, suddenly leaving us, those memories become a treasure as nostalgia returns laden with grief for his friends and the 71 batch Colvin classmates in general. Interestingly, I had known Alok (Raja) as a family friend even before I joined Colvin College in Class V in 1964 and his twin sister Shreela (Rani) was my sister Shibani’s classmate in La Martiniere Girls School in the 1960’s.

When I joined the ‘All Boys’ institution like Colvin from La Mart, I was subjected to a bit of harmless bullying because of my short height and earned the nickname ‘Tenchi’! Alok had ‘Nice Guy’ image and was the tallest in class. He came forward for me as protector and friend as we shared many common interests like sports, music and family ties. He recognized that I could bat & bowl a bit too and my earliest memories are being a part of his team that would be formed every day to play cricket during the class intervals.

Not only did we play together in cricket matches later, but would compete in singing & debating competitions, he from ‘Ajanta’ House and I from ‘Taxila’. In College, we went different ways in our subject choices, he chose Arts and I, the Science stream. For his all round brilliance & persona, Alok deservedly became the College Captain. Elder brother Ajit too had been College Captain. Sadly our interactions became erratic after leaving College though after news circulated, we all proudly claimed that our classmate had become the ADC to Prez of India, a rank few can achieve. We understand that Alok had settled in US. It was a pleasant surprise as he connected on FB a few years ago, maybe because my face on my DP hadn’t changed much ! More time has passed & we hear that the large hearted, wonderful ‘Big Guy’ is no more ! Alok sang SD Burman songs well & maybe for him:’Ore Maajhi, Mere Saajan Hai Uss Paar’..     

Unearthing young musical talent from the diverse corners of the country and giving them a national platform to showcase their skills is a laudable initiative that has been gaining immense popularity and has drawn huge traction. Among the most watched reality shows  is the ‘Indian Idol’ on Sony TV and ‘Sa Re Ga Ma’ on Zee TV  followed by a host of others like ‘Singing Superstar’ and the MTV’s show.

Early on, we’ve been hooked to the ‘Sa Re Ga Ma’ (SRGM) on Zee Bangla, the Bengali counterpart on Zee TV. Bengal, has traditionally been the home of legendary poets, singers, composers & musicians, famous both in Kolkata and Mumbai). The Bengali SRGM does a great job in it’s talent hunt and provides a magnificent platform to begin their careers as professional singers. This comes with a stunning orchestra and galaxy of musicians performing alongside and suave anchors like star-actor, Abir Chatterjee !

As veteran music buffs we’ve felt that it consistently brings on board prodigious young talent & singing prodigies who exhibit an amazing range of skills on Zee’s big stage. As back-up, after the elimination rounds, the team prepares the chosen contestants with training to hone their skills & smoothening out rough edges through its musical experts. In a high stakes music contest, the competition is extremely tough but what’s heartening to see is the camaraderie & bonhomie that binds the youth into warm friendships ! 

Despite this, SRGM has developed an aura of a grand spectacle replete with celebrity culture and enlarged panel of eminent judges from the music industry. In the on-going season, there are as many as nine judges (five would easily do !) who present a highly imposing force for a young contestant to reckon with. There is now a trend of calling the judges as ‘legends’ but are there any real legends left in Kolkata or Mumbai’s music world ? Of the best of singers today, the amazing Shreya Ghoshal still maintains her humility despite great fame while Arijit retired from politics of playback ! 

Another irksome feature is using the SRGM platform for promoting the music & songs of some of the judges from their newly released films. At the start of every show, one or the other judge is on the stage singing, whereas these famous artists have their own shows for their craft. Yes, worthy judges giving their points of view and showing the finer nuances to the budding singers is laudable. As viewers, we want that most of the space and time should be for contestants and not judges and celebrity guests !

SRGM is universal in its appeal and singers are allowed to perform in both Bengali & Hindi. Pure nostalgia when beautiful fresh voices and personas render melodies of the golden era and continue the legacies of true legends ! SRGM is on the air till late night every weekend and is such a refreshing change from the disturbing ‘Breaking News’ !  

      

What’s it about our Memory that’s so beautiful if it’s retains that which pleases the heart and burdens it with negativity if it’s unpleasant or sad. They’re best forgotten we say and deleting them, we move on creating more mind-space for happier thoughts to enter. This selective process serves us well till we attain a certain stage and that age when we suddenly encounter what’s called an unexplained ‘Brain Fade’ ! Like a dip in electric voltage, this memory lapse is a temporary inability to recall information, often resulting in forgotten names, places, misplaced items or momentary confusion.

Seniors we have so much to retain as hangovers from the past that like the mobile space that’s perpetually low, the mind tries to cope with the data load and at times gives up. Typically we males have selective memory spaces for the things that interest us but depend on the spouse (at home) & assistants (in office) for supplying the specific details of names, dates, appointments etc. As they get older & older forgetful husbands might misplace keys, glasses, medicines, mobiles, shoes but never forget their old friends ! Not entirely removed from this affliction, I have tried to devise methods like making daiy to-do lists, diarising bank a/c details, due dates,renewals, passwords, pins & medicines !

Normally the system works well but I’ve started having my off days too that have even surprised me. Recently, I had to send an urgent courier to a relative and for the address & pin-code I checked my records quickly and completed the packet. Next day, I was told by my relative who’d got a call from the Courier, that the address on the packet was their old address. I hadn’t rechecked that their address had indeed changed and I’d actually noted it down earlier. It took a few days to rectify the mistake & get the delivery made. How could a meticulous person like me, make such a stupid error ? A real brain-fade !

In conversations with my  peer group friends, we have animated discussions on the geo-political tensions engulfing the ‘Gulf’ & now famous waterway called ‘Strait of Hormuz’ is easily talked about but most of us struggle with the names of various protagonists and players of the conflict, but they do come back to haunt us later ! Research suggests that while these lapses are common & often normal with aging or due to stress/distraction, we must energize minds with various mental exercises & problem solving, reading and conversing on diverse topics with people, physical activity and healthy lifestyle habits.  

In an uncanny quirk of nature, there are many things we can’t remember and also those we never forget, specially from the past & we call them ‘unforgettable’ moments of life. Many marvel that I hardly ever look at the song lyrics while singing as I remember the words & tunes by heart. To never forget good events & good people is such a good thing !   

It’s said that life’s all about relationships,

And it’s people who make that difference,

They are there to share tears & laughter,

Stand by our tough days and diffidence, 

It may be life’s major event or short meet,

Problems they can sort out, easy and neat,

Some may discourage with fear & despair   

Yet he’s one who’d never stand and stare,

In pragmatic world driven by self interest  

People like him come forward and protect,

Friends look to him anytime, for anything,

We’re talking of the One and Only -‘VIPIN’ ! 

Wishing you a Wonderful Day with loved ones & friends and for fulfilling times ahead in life in

GOOD health and Well-being !

Somnath and Tandra

With realigned roles and domains in their domestic life, men of all ages are proving their mettle with the kettle, warmth with micro-wave, cleanliness with washing machine and crispiness with toasters, even if their culinary skills might remain in a nascent stage, while an exceptional few also make their presence felt in the kitchen ! Belonging to the ‘unskilled in cookery’ category, I’ve developed some expertise with preparing breakfast, majorly comprising of toast, butter, eggs and fruits and the occasional ‘Sunday Special’ ‘Jalebis’ outsourced from the nearby ‘Halwai’ !

The toast-making process is a bit intricate since both sides of the bread must be brown to a nicety. For my Mrs, over-made toasts aren’t at all acceptable. The pop-up toasters, like most people these days, are erratic and I end up with a few burnt toasts regularly. As the service provider, I tell myself – ‘bread’ must not go waste for it doesn’t come easily to everyone. The ‘burnt toast’ is also my metaphor to take responsibility for our actions, mend the systems and ensure that it works properly. Sunk costs (burnt toasts) must be absorbed  by me and not others (in the family). A principle that’s laudable if practiced at all levels & most importantly in civic administration and for good governance.  

However, apart from my own hypothesis there is also a fascinatingly well-known theory : ‘The Burnt Toast Theory’ that talks of a mindset where minor inconveniences, such as burning toast, spilling coffee, missing a journey or getting stuck in traffic are viewed as positive “redirections” or protections rather than bad luck, potentially saving us from larger, negative or dangerous events. It’s a bit like ‘superstition’ but uncanny when it saves people from potential setbacks or accidents. With a Bengali cultural background, we learnt many lessons from our elders at home – to be followed without much rational application of mind. So, if we came out of a fall with only minor bruises, it was felt as if a major accident had been averted. Our Moms and Grand-moms would pray in Bengali – ‘Jaag Baba, Phada Katlo !’ meaning ‘Thank God, saved from bad omen’ !

‘If Only We Had..’ are wise words that are mostly uttered  by us after an unforeseen and unpleasant event that was destined to happen. There are also words like ‘resilience’ and ‘optimism’ that see us through the most difficult phases of life. ‘The Burnt Toast’ teaches us not to be deterred by small setbacks. Maybe something ‘Great’ is round the corner !

Watch on Prime Video

Looking for some respite from the huge dose of  high octane, violence and gore ridden action, espionage and horror films for something on far side of the spectrum – languid, serene and reflective, then catch ‘8 Am Metro’ as we did by chance yesterday evening ! The difference in this film’s genre(surely would’ve been classified as ‘Art’ as compared to commercial fare dished in 1970-80s era) but thanks to the variety that OTT offers, it’s so refreshingly real in essaying its principal characters. There are no baddies, only ordinary people with all their vulnerabilities & weaknesses but that purity of the soul that uplifts.

Only few films have ventured to use the backdrop of the train ride that throws up its own life and experiences. As the name suggests, it has two protagonists who’s fortuitous meeting on a particular Metro local leads to uncanny bonds and endearing moments of kinship, their common thread being love for the profundity of poetry, books and writers.  That leads to a gradual revelation of their true selves, their unrealized strengths and to overcome fears that had stayed long with them as part of their psyche. No more spoilers. But, akin to Guy De Maupassant’s story-telling style, there’s poignant twist in the end !

The film could have as well been in the form of a beautiful play – full of pithy dialogues, light-hearted banter, short conversations with much depth and liberal doses of poetry between the two lead players as their association develops. All from the pen of none other than the incomparable Gulzar, who has written the lyrics & poetry with his own inimitable and indolent touches ! The film belongs to the amazingly dignified, realistic & heartrending performances of Saiyami Kher & Gulshan Devaiah, so moving for the film buffs and relatable to those commuters, who spend half their lives on local trains. There are also many interesting cameos that bring alive the various characterizations.

The film resonates on many counts in its handling of complex psychological issues and how friendships are forged when people travel together regularly. Both my Wife and I have an affinity for the ‘Metro’ and often use it. Director, Raj Rachakonda has done a great job with this fine, sensitive film. How about a sequel, with the same cast ?! 

Among the modern day alterations to the normal attire of an ordinary man is doing away with the top pocket by the shirt manufacturers. In the most informal tees or bush shirts & even in formals, a utilitarian top pocket no longer exists. The reasons may range from saving on cloth to a statement of masculinity to dispensing with need for pockets. With advent of digital modes like e-purse & wallets, one’s mobile serves as a Mini-Bank !

But for old-timers like us, the shirt’s top pocket has always provided a sense of security. Apart from it’s easy accessibility in retrieving the important papers, cards, currency etc.  they remain close to the chest being our private possessions. Also I have been trained a certain way during my days as a daily commuter in Mumbai’s local trains- be watchful of pick-pockets. Cash in a wallet in hip pocket was risky, but top pockets were much safer.

Recall that in good old days of manual transactions and of paper-trails, office-goers and specially stolid bankers would always be found with a functional pen tucked in the top shirt pocket. That wasn’t all, for it served as a reservoir of small visiting cards, IDs, bills, photos, even shopping lists from the Mrs, for ‘groceries’ to be brought in the evening. There were no mobiles, ear-phones & fancy gadgets then to be squeezed in the trouser pockets. These were used for the handkerchief, small purse & ‘Wills Filter’ by smokers !    

Having said that, ‘pockets’ have been used in a variety of English phrases, playing a vital role not only in sartorial ways, reflecting one’s behavior patterns and exuding a life-style that’s upbeat. School teachers reprimanded us standing with hands in pockets as ‘lazy’ and at the workplace our Bank stressed on recovery of it’s ‘out-of-pocket’ expenses as it impacted P & L.‘Having deep pockets’ meant possessing substantial financial resources and at the national level, the Govt. loves to talk about putting more money in people’s ‘pockets’ so that spending & consumption goes up, which helps the economy to grow.

Somehow talking of ‘pocketing’ the proceeds sounds like money being wrongly acquired though the poor pocket never had anything to do with it. As one writer said ‘ True wealth is not of the pocket, but of the heart and of the mind’ but what’s the feeling like having an empty pocket ? Even if shirt manufacturers start putting back top pockets on shirts, it would be ironical if most people had very little or no earnings to put in their pockets !

I remember having read a novel fascinatingly titled ‘The World in the Pocket’. Those with enormous wealth and power, have that headiness that makes them feel mightier !