We all have our favorites and fans like me, though pretty advanced in years, retain their loyalty as I have for the game of Cricket and the Cricket’s ‘Little Master’ Gundappa Vishwanath, popularly called ‘Vishy’ ! There is also some emotional attachment as he shares his name with my Dad (Late Biswanath Sinha), also a great cricket aficionado. In fact I saw Vishy’s maiden Test hundred against the Aussies in Kanpur’s Green Park in Nov, 1969 with my Dad going into raptures over his square cutting !    

Retired and ever maintaining a low profile, it was great to see the excerpts of Shekhar Gupta’s candid interview of the great batter, India’s real touch artist and an exponent of the square drive. Apart from his artistry in batting, the now reticent yet amiable Vishy is a fairly good communicator too, though he may not be in the eloquent class of Sunny ji. 

It would be our advice to prime time TV news English Channels that instead of leaning on the likes of lesser known Atul Wasan & Shishir Hattangadi for expert views on cricket matters or only relying on Sunny ji’s expertise, why not invite Vishy at times, to express his thoughts & ideas on how we can produce better Test Cricketers apart from offering off-side batting tips. Probably the best role model of sportsmanship in his days, he could also teach a lesson or two to present super rich, flashy stars of modern cricket, on humility & grace on and off the field !

A cultured and polite persona is cultivated from good schooling and breeding, yet its slowly disappearing from public discourses, chats and private conversations. My Dad used to say ‘In schools it was stressed: Remember You’re the Son of a Gentleman’ ! In our hometown Lucknow there was a sweet language of ‘Tehzeeb’ and old films of yore depicted values of ‘Sanskar aur Adarsh’. Today it all sounds didactic and preachy.

Just to recap those forgotten basics of ‘Etiquette’, ‘Good Manners’ are a set of polite, respectful, considerate behaviors used in day to day interactions to show kindness, build positive relationships and create a harmonious social environment. They are seen as a reflection of a person’s character and upbringing. The era of ‘utopian’ gentility seems now replaced by aggression, foul language, flayed tempers and uncontrolled speed that’s spilling out on streets, work places and homes of people.

How magical were commonplace & those seemingly mundane words ‘Please’, ‘Thank You’, ‘Sorry’, ‘Excuse Me’, ‘May I’ and humbly owning up to say ‘My Mistake’ ! Said with sincerity they show gratitude, a move at respectful request or for tendering a genuine apology that can make light of any differences. These brief expressions can convey empathy & responsibility when a mistake is made. Yet, in modern usage we find them thrown about peremptorily as ‘Ok, Thanks’, ‘Sorry ?’ and ‘Excuse Me ?!’

We are no domain experts in ‘Etiquette’ but a person exhibiting refinement in speech & demeanor is still considered ‘Classy’ compared to those displaying crass behavior. In our younger days the word ‘Gallant’ was used to describe those who stepped aside saying ‘Ladies First’, opened the car door to a lady or stood up when she entered (and that included the First Lady of the Home). With gender equality, today that ‘chivalry’ may be scoffed at but genteel women I feel, prefer ‘gentlemen’ with elegant gentility !

My ‘ Top Nine’ key areas of  ‘Decorum’ where there’s a lot desired in our conduct :

*Talk ‘Softly’ as against being loud and jarring – people listen more carefully then

* Await Your Turn : Be patient, don’t jump the queue or butt into conversations.

* Try to Smile More : A pleasing face is ever more welcome than a scowling one

* Acknowledge & reply to thosewho communicate (barring junk mail) with you  

* Drive responsibly and carefully, don’t endanger lives due to your recklessness

* Exercise patience in dealing with senior, elderly folks. Help them when you can

* Kindness reflects good character specially when dealing with the poorer sections

* Look Smart, Be organized – It’ll help others to trust you with important tasks

* Don’t Be Proud of your Power – You still ain’t Big Boss at home, No arguing that

It’s not too late to start : practice good manners, it’s “Golden Rule” of treating others as we want to be treated, helps create a more compassionate and harmonious world. Happy Valentine’s Day, Friends !     

This piece relates to what recently happened in a busy Mumbai local train – in broad daylight a senseless ‘rage’ crime was committed. It shook me because in two decades of commuting, one learnt to cope with the rush, jostling for space and someone beating you to a seat. It’s still a given that despite other means of available transport, a major part of Mumbai’s workforce travels by local trains day after day, year after year, for cost & convenience. It’s Mumbai’s ‘lifeline’ & any disruption to it throws the city out of gear ! 

In all my years of using locals (my daily to & fro commute to Churchgate involved about two-three hours ) was initially cumbersome but was still the fastest mode as compared to travel by road in choc-a-bloc peak hour traffic on all roads, highways. As one finds out gradually, life on the locals has its own flavor and rules ! In First Class, while only three can occupy one bench, its generally packed during peak hours and standing allowed up to one’s toes & face. A joke I first learnt was that the only difference between 1^st & 2^nd class was the crowds smell different ! The veteran commuters travel in groups and play cards through the journey, ‘Bhajan singing’ is popular and vendors also ply their stuff.

There have been various minor incidents that I’ve encountered. In early days, I once found my pocket picked. But imagine, purse had been skillfully put back minus the cash. With time I learnt the ropes like safely getting off a slowing train & avoiding hanging out as some do. Scuffles and altercations over seats or space have been rare and I’ve found co-passengers offering their seat to seniors. I’d also get chatty with familiar looking faces & made some lifelong friends who I’m still in touch with after retiring. In my experience, Mumbai commuters are educated for apart from service class, many are shop owners, working professionals & successful businessmen.

So I was utterly shocked to read that a young man in his 30s and a Maths Teacher by profession could get into an angry exchange over getting better space before alighting at station, that he was attacked by a sharp object and later died on his way to the hospital. His assailant fled the scene but was later apprehended by swift Mumbai police action. One knows of vehicle accidents & road ’rage’ violence, but to resort to killer attack only because of an altercation on a local, boggles the mind. What is this world coming to ?   

Remember our Literature classes and that remarkable poem titled ‘The Road Not Taken’ by the renowned poet Robert Frost written as far back as 1915. It ends with the beautiful lines ‘I took the one less traveled by and that has made all the difference.’ The message in a metaphorical sense enthuses one to think and act freely and not follow the beaten track! 

In real life and in modern times, we have to generally follow the ‘GPS’. Thanks to flyovers expressways and service by lanes, the roads are ‘many, circuitous and deep’ (inside), to borrow words again from poet Frost ! In today’s high speed travel by road, its advisable to follow signs and/or stop at the wayside stalls for directions. Only the undaunted will try to follow the routes less taken : for if a flyover too many is crossed, one might fly into the neighboring hamlets and cities, that are almost joined at the hip.

True, our ‘road journeys’ have ‘come a long way’, thanks to much improved connectivity, extensive & superfast lanes enabling travelling quickly to even distant cities ! That said, the ubiquitous roads and lanes within our megacities like Mumbai are in steady disrepair and constant repairs and roadblocks omnipresent. During rains there’s inevitable monsoon mayhem with potholes galore, vast areas waterlogged & daily traffic woes that have been the subject of study and debate of our civic administrators for decades.

Mumbai has just seen its biggest civic elections held after eight years and citizens anxiously await much improved civic amenities following the tall promises specially relating to the traffic snarls that continue unabated despite the Metro trains introduced & flyovers ! Like Mr.Frost, we average citizens in Mumbai for instance, try to find a road less taken but find almost all taken up and no parking available to squeeze in. I for one have decided that best parking is our Society compound & my car rests there grandly in my own parking space !  

Sometimes you have to take the only road available like the one just opposite our building where all the grocery shops, vendors and sundry stuff incl. ice-cream are at a stone’s throw. The problem is that with traffic in full flow, all drivers are in a tearing hurry to reach home after work. In developed countries we find car drivers slowing down to allow pedestrians to cross but in Mumbai the traffic threatens to hit or miss. One must show the physical agility and alacrity in running of a ‘Virat Kohli’, to cross to the other side. Yes, there are traffic lights but when they’re far apart, all drivers rush to beat the green light of the next signal.     

A tragic mishap occurred in Noida’s Sector 150 when 27 year old techie, Yuvraj Mehta was driving in night fog on a dark road with no warning signs of pit-falls ahead. Frost would have been disillusioned & lost if determined to take unexplored roads in our megacities !

We remember as it were yesterday, On a January morn’ 39 years past,

Tiny face & blue eyes peered at us, Little fingers that held on steadfast,

Now on threshold of new milestone, In your life’s stage that’s truly prime,

‘Thirty Nine’ looks good on you, Son, We pray that now comes your ‘Time’, 

Cheers to more amazing experiences, Growth, success and love like fine wine,

May good fortune crown your endeavor, Make all your dreams real and sublime,  

Today enjoy your Cake and lovely Gifts, For this day no one will be giving advice,

Every beautiful moment  be celebrated, Making memories that are warm & nice,

Tomorrow will come with life lessons,  As in Longfellow’s ‘Psalm of Life’

     ‘Let us be up and doing, Still achieving and

     Still pursuing (our goals), Learning to labor on,

     And unafraid of waiting..’

     Happy Birthday Nanu &  God Bless !

     Love, Papa & Mummy – 21, Jan,26

Among the ‘generic’ words while wishing or sending messages to relatives & friends is the fine adjective ‘Heartfelt’ that’s appended to the greetings, conveying thanks, offering sympathies or apologies (as in belated birthday wishes). In practice, most messages and the on-line greetings are more of a ritual to adhere to the social protocols. Use of catchy forwards borrowed from other sources and ‘cut & paste’ modes, make our task easier.

What’s so special about ‘heartfelt’ wishes and in today’s rapid-fire texts and speech is it discernible ? For one, it has a different feel, emphasizes genuineness showing something coming from the “heart” & not being superficial (& routine). It needn’t be elaborate, but have absence of hypocrisy, feigning or any falsifying embellishment or exaggeration. Beyond the language sincere acts of love & compassion come across as ‘heartfelt’. In our time, the outdated ‘Archie’ cards with words in own writing, added a personal touch !

Some of our talented kith & kin and close friends have a knack for making others feel ‘elated’ on milestone occasions by dedicating a self-made piece of art, painting, poem or writing. Spouses are full of surprises, that don’t always meet with the needed approval but buying one’s favorite item, arranging a snap party, an exotic dinner or sudden travel plan qualifies as a heartfelt gesture. For my milestone ‘70^th’ birthday, my much better-half, tirelessly worked to not only efficiently organize a grand party at a lovely joint but with clandestine guile, contacted my closest friends and persuaded them to attend it !  

An important aspect of ‘heartfelt’ action is thoughtfulness, creativity & being observant to what others like & conjuring a special gift tailored to his/her taste, liking or passion. One of the finest examples came from the legendary ‘Sunny Gavaskar’ in fulfilling the  promise he’d earlier made to cricketer (and avid guitar player) Jemimah Rodrigues. He presented her with a guitar that was amazingly shaped like a cricket bat & he also sang !

Heartfelt are ‘upstanding’ words & support to others in times of distress, facing a crises  or personal loss and that involves offering them unwavering presence, emotional backup and practical help that can make them feel less alone and overwhelmed. The real value of a relationship is often tested not in ‘happy’ times together but in moments of crises !

Finally, it’s spontaneity and sincere intent that matters. Recently a dear friend sent us a beautiful wall hanging for the New Year. Instead of a usual thank you note, I sang and video-taped a Hindi film song with appropriate lyrics & posted it to him. His reply was also in the ‘song’ mode, except that he’s not quite a singer by a long yard and was only appreciating the way we had thanked him ! They were tuneless words sung by him yet it stole our hearts in its glow of warm-hearted reciprocity.    

Our culture of music, art and literature never make us forget or overlook treasures from the past which remain truly ageless. Among many others, one iconic song that has held centre-stage after more than a century is ‘Ekla Chôlo Re’. It is a Bengali patriotic song written by Rabindranath Tagore in 1905 but though the lyrics are in that language it has had great universal appeal. As an inspirational ‘tagline’ it’s widely used by motivational speakers and is often quoted in the context of socio-political change movements and was a favourite of the Mahatma !

The song has a fascinating history and has been the subject of research of Gurudev’s immense body of work. Originally titled as “EKLA”, this most uplifting song was first published in September 1905 issue of  Bhandar magazine & was influenced by a popular Bengali Kirtan song. Like many of his legendary songs, ‘Ekla Cholo’ has had renditions not only from leading exponents of ‘Rabindra Sangeet’ like Suchitra Mitra and Hemanta Mukherji but also by greats like Kishore da, who trained to sing in this genre. Bollywood too was not to be left behind – In 2004, it’s tune was used with Hindi lyrics composed by A.R Rahman and sung by Sonu Nigam in ‘Netaji Subhas Chandra Bose: The Forgotten Hero’. In the celebrated ‘2012’ film ‘Vidya Balan’ starrer ‘Kahaani’, it is sung by Big B, under music direction of  Vishal-Shekhar.

What do the words of the song mean ? A beautiful English translation by Sumona Roy :-

‘If they pay no heed to your call

Walk on your own.Walk alone,

Walk alone, walk alone, walk all alone.

If none speaks, o wretched one,

If all turn their face away & cower in silence

Then open out your heart

Dear one, speak out your mind, voice alone.

If everyone spurns, o wretched one

If all leave you in the lurch in wilderness

Then trample the trail of thorns

With blood stained feet alone, on your own.

If no one holds up a light, o wretched one

And bolts the doors in dark, stormy night 

Then in the lightning fire of pain

Kindle your own heart and

Keep it burning bright alone.’

Watch Film on Netflix

This is a ‘rom-com’ that you’re likely to pick if looking for a break from mindless crime & action genre films and something light and funny. This one fits the bill to some extent but as it happens, sequels rarely live up to promise of first part like ‘De De Pyaar De’ 1 (2019). We confess to bias also, for it was Tabu’s fiesty aura (as the separated wife of Ajay Devgn) that we missed in the Sequel apart from delightful set-ups created in Part 1.

The vexed issue of an attractive young girl insisting on someone much older in age as a life-partner raising hackles in family elders (and relatives in general) was explored & got critical acclaim in R Balki’s ‘Chini Kum’ (2007) with Tabu & Big B ! This film takes off where the Part 1 ended on ‘Thumbs Up’ from the Man’s family comprising of parents, ex-wife and children but not before lots of hits and misses with high drama and laughs. It’s now turn of the Girl’s folks for the shock !

The sequel has however, most significantly the versatile actor Madhavan stepping into a senior role as the heroine’s dishy looking Dad. He makes a  contented pair with Gautami Kapoor, both so-called progressive parents, till ‘fats in in fire’ when they’re confronted with a far older person, their daughter is determined to wed. The plot is all about the shenanigans and maneuvering, Karan Johar type wedding dances and also reference to ‘DDLJ’ and SRK’s valiant efforts to woo his girl’s reluctant Dad. It starts as a frothy mash-up but turns into ‘emotional atyachaar’ in the middle overs, till the makers decide the script be retrieved to an illogical conclusion & so again revert to comedy.

There are mentionable performances – specially Rakul Preet’s spirited show while Ajay Devgn plays the perfect foil to her, as a subdued man trying to manfully face the harsh social realities that he faces. Two other notable actors on show are veteran Javed Jafri as the hero’s Counsellor cum trusted friend and his son, Meezaan, exuding sleek vibes ! Because his role involves some theatrics, the usually impeccable Madhavan, also hams ! We all empathize with his character, the societal pressures make it tough for parents to go along with the curious choices their children make, for it’s a reflection on them too !   

Our suggestion is to friends to seek out the old Hollywood classic “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner’(1967) starring Spenser Tracy, Katherine Hepburn & Sidney Poitier, with a similar theme but made in an entirely different era and with racism as it’s backdrop. A well to do senior white couple have an educated daughter who informs that she’s met someone & wants to bring him over to meet them. When he arrives they are completely taken aback- their child has decided to marry this ‘black’ man & they’re not ready for it at all…It’s a beautiful, thought-provoking film !  

      

It would stating the obvious that we areprone to superstitions irrespective of our family backgrounds, education and value systems with our mothers telling us to ‘wait’ because someone had just sneezed !  Apart from the ill-famed black cat crossing the road being bad luck, we were told cutting fingernails/toenails at night time would bring misfortune, a crow calling could be the precursor to guests arriving, itchy palms signaled the onset of money inflow and our Ma feeding us ‘Dahi’ in the morning of the exams/interviews was helpful augury for success. With passage of time and new technology most have started taking these as old rituals and adhered just to please old folks.

So it’s interesting that superstitions are still alive and thriving in our religion of ‘Cricket’! It’s safe to assume that a billion Indians follow cricket, with varying intensities ! To start from the topper, legendary Big B being a passionate follower of the game, says he never watches a match live since India tends to lose, if he’s watching ! Talking of the India’s master-batter, King Kohli, his alarming dip in form some years back, prompted die-hard fans to attribute it uncharitably to ‘unlucky’ presence of his wife in the stands !

Like folklore that’s associated with the greats, it’s said the ‘God of Cricket’ Sachin would always put on his left pad first, Kapil would look up towards the skies when coming out to bat and 1983 MOM, Mohinder Amarnath had a red handkerchief tucked in. When the scoreboard read ‘111’, English umpire David Shepard would do hop & skip ! There are stories of legendary cricketers and their idiosyncrasies that have been retold by experts on air. Added is ‘commentators curse’ which happens if one starts praising a batter on the field for his stroke-play and soon he gets ‘Out’!   

Closer home, stranger things have happened in families and with friends who’d give an arm to watch an exciting Cricket match. Ladies of the house have joined the razzmatazz of  IPL/WPL  and can distinguish between MI, RR and DC, to name few. I remember fondly my dear Dad and my Pa-in-law, both greatest sports lovers I’ve known for their passion and inevitable despondence if India lost, which was often in the 1980s before it became a Cricketing super-power ! When Sunny, Vishy or any Indian batter approached his century, my Pa-in-law would close his eyes and pray ! 

As a buff, with same chair in front of the TV and the mobile switched off during an tough match going down to the wire, I understand that cricket is full of glorious uncertainties ! But yesterday I too got converted into the mad, mad ways of superstitious : I was waxing eloquent on Virat’s flawless batsmanship as he was heading towards a certain century in the ODI match against Kiwis. A friend responded on Whatsapp ‘ Nazar maat lagao abhi’. To my horror, Virat played uppishly & got out on 93 ! His ‘Folly’ or ‘Jolly’ Bad Luck ?!   

In last few years, there’s seems to be discernible change in how even old friends interact when they reconnect. Emotionally buoyed by the alma mater’s fraternal bonds, in earlier times they’d meet with banter, colourful language, bawdy old jokes shared over drinks & even ‘roast’ someone without offending them. Animated conversations leading to any serious arguments based on ideological or political differences of individuals were rare.

Of late the informal group chats or the casual meets of old friends & relatives, often have someone inevitably trying to mediate when ‘charcha’ on sensitive and burning issues of national & international importance, lead to heated discussions. Increasingly, political one-upmanship is on the rise, ideological beliefs are more deeply intertwined with one’s core identity, patriotic feelings, moral values & left or right leanings that are acquired. A disagreement on what one feels, is a personal attack rather than a difference of opinion.

In one such event, old friends found themselves taking positions as even routine topics assumed political flavor. A casual remark on the nice winter climate in Mumbai by one was met with a rejoinder ‘Visit Delhi to enjoy our weather’ from disgruntled friends, in a grim reminder to Capital’s ‘AQI’ levels. A travel enthusiast was sharing details of his trek in the hills but soon it veered to the threat being posed to ‘Aravalli’ mountains through illegal mining ! Few expressed interest in recipes & art of locating good eateries & were halted by anxious friends. ‘How’s the water in your area ?’ taking from Indore tragedies.

On the divisive discourses are also spate of films with a socio-political slant. A friend not known overtly for his political views, was excited watching ‘Dhurandhar’ and expounded on the blockbuster’s merits. Others nodded animatedly but two guys shook their heads ‘A good action film, blurred facts with fiction to set propaganda’ ! A fiery debate ensued ! We always talk of Cricket & there’s concern for the Indian team’s future without Rohit & Virat & hope that in the coming T20 World Cup, they would be there for us. But with the recent IPL imbroglio, views differ : why mix politics with sports & blame poor SRK for getting a Bangladeshi player for KKR ? On the rebound, BD is refusing to play in India …  

Many of us are taking stands against one another & straining established relationships. Loyalties are formed and fed on high emotions not through a dispassionate examination of facts or objective analysis & it’s easier to become defensive when those firm beliefs are questioned. SM, hyped media, written post can be easily misinterpreted and algorithms often promote emotional, divisive content, creating echo chambers and making people likely to see “other side” in a negative light. And old friendships can fall by the wayside !