For me personally that was never the question..in our family (where the ladies out-numbered the gents) no one ever grew (or is it wore ?) a beard and that tradition has continued with my two sons, though they carry the unshaven look on long weekends as a form of retribution for the other working days. Also, my Pa-in-law wasn’t favorably disposed towards a bearded ‘damaad’- that story ended in my happy marriage in 1980 !

Looking back, till the 1990’s I recall just a few of our bosses & office colleagues sporting any kind of beard. This ‘clean’ formal look was preferred in offices & institutions as it offered a sharper professional appearance which supposedly encouraged trust in the service class. There was an old theory that keeping the face sans facial hair promoted better skin hygiene by removing dead cells and preventing trapped sweat or bacteria.

A few decades back, not only in real life but the film ‘reel’ life heroes didn’t even sport a moustache unless the person being portrayed was either historical or symbolic of a macho character having a mysterious past (& with a younger clean shaven version too). It was an era of ‘chocolate faced’ stars wooing heroines & singing in idyllic surroundings. 

But that changed in the decades that heralded advent of the ‘angsty’ & edgy countenance because of a mix of cyclical fashion trends, social milieu with a demographic change, cultural shifts toward rugged masculinity and relaxed workplace dress codes. Fashion moves in circles. While clean-shaven looks dominated for a long time, beards returned as a fresh way to change personal style, signaling traditional masculinity, strength, and maturity in an aggressive modern world. Cricketers, athletes, actors, writers, activists & social media influencers now sport well-groomed facial hair, making it mainstream..

I always felt that I didn’t have the face shape or the machismo associated with beards, but I understand why the trend has caught on. Shaving daily is not only a boring chore but has become increasingly costly. The cost of shaving at home requires razors, brush, blades, cream, foam, after shave & the works can run up a fair amount while a visit to fancy hairdresser can hit a princely sum. Also the time saved could mean more time for other jobs & the leaving the toilet less messed up. 

Despite the obvious advantages of looking bolder remember that an unkempt beard isn’t attractive (barring the maverick-geniuses) and requires the right styling, grooming & maintenance. That said, I had once in my days of exuberant youth tried a beard but my observant wife remained unmoved by my personality makeover. Since then my old mug has remained youthfully clean-shaven ! To each his own…    

Every year on his Birthday on 16^th September, we revisit thoughts that remind us of our Dad. Nothing new, everybody does it in their own way but for us, it’s that time when we remember not just a ‘Loving Father’ but the fine human being he was. He possessed the old-world charming qualities that are cornerstone of character with innate sincerity and unconditional compassion for others, enabling genuine affinity and admiration from all.

I was reading one of the quotes of ‘Bapu’, ‘Mahatma Gandhi’, where he says : “I claim to be a simple individual liable to err like any other fellow mortal. I own, however, that I have humility enough to confess my errors and to retrace my steps.”. Great words from an extraordinary person who is our greatest national icon but what is remarkable is how close this was to what Dad felt about himself. In his many sentimental moments of pride whenever any one of us brought home excellent marks or got the first rank, he’d say self-deprecatingly ‘How on earth did I have such brilliant children ?’

We realized early on that Dad had the ‘Christian’ spirit of humility with no claims to any ‘greatness’ yet he was the most well-read, eloquent & articulate person we knew- maybe it was from his voracious reading habits since school days & love for English Literature. His fascination with Sarat Chandra novels made him learn Bengali with our Ma’s help. If he never boasted of his wisdom & knowledge, he never hid pride for the Gold Medalists in the family, my Mom and my sister, Sumita Di and the other achievers among us.

As it happens in stories & films, one suddenly finds an invaluable document excavating through family archives. Very recently I chanced upon a ‘Bio-Data’ neatly written in our Dad’s own hand-writing. Among other things, it stated that he had topped the Entrance Exams for the Service he had applied. Throughout his career, he remained a sought after Officer in UP Secretariat, retiring as Joint Secretary having worked in almost all Depts.     

A  famous quote from C S Lewis about humility is “True humility is not thinking less of yourself,  it is thinking of yourself less”. These words seem to have been written for Dad. No tribute is complete without stating the wondrous effect the voice of his lifelong idol, KL Saigal had on Dad. I’ve tried the impossible here- to croon Saigal’s ‘Karoon Kya Aas’..Pardon me Dad !

For a fit senior citizen (specially the more ‘senior’), it’s vital to not lose balance and fall – repercussions can be long term and difficult to recover from. With the advancing years, a combination of physical, sensory & medical changes affect how the body maintains its stability and we tend to at times, slip, stumble, sway performing even normal activities.   Doctors & health specialists advise certain exercises to improve the physical equilibrium while a host of advisories are there for the ‘Mind’ too. It’s all about having right balance..

Yet, looking back wasn’t it a ‘perfect’ balance that parents & elders always wanted from us. Be good in whatever you do, maintaining the right balance between studies, sports & extra-curricular. The ones most applauded weren’t the ‘geeks’ but all-rounders excelling both in class, debates and field events. Talent aside it was their innate ability to juggle timings and pack in so much in a day’s work. ‘Boys being boys’ some would act wayward and rebellious against the strict school regimen that was part of the desired behavior !   

Moving on in life the question of ‘balance’ again came in the family’s choice of the right match in our early 20s itself. The search was spread for an educated girl well versed in household work while we meekly expressed hope for ‘balance’ between the modern and traditional & everybody was finally happy as the parents on both sides gave approval for the match. Post marriage ‘balance’ of power between us decidedly shifted after a decade.  

Interestingly, working in a Bank, we came also across the concept of ‘balancing’ of books which meant double entry accounting system demanded entries must tally at the end of the day. Till late 1980s, banking was manual and we had to ensure that all the ledgers & books were balanced failing which it could lead to frauds & misappropriation of funds and audit observations. As a lesson for life, we learnt that remaining ‘unbalanced’ for a long time, could lead to bigger problems & disasters and timely ‘balancing’ was a must ! Prolonged ‘Work-Life’ imbalances often lead to financial, health and relationship issues.   

Another ‘balance’ that our parents gently insisted upon & our profession also taught us- was the importance of having a ‘Bank Balance’ early on – from ‘saving for a rainy day’, to prudent investments to financial futuristic planning for different stages of life must be balanced against the high cost of living, inflation and aspirational goals of the gen next. In today’s millennial, this bank ‘balance’ seems to have swerved towards ‘spending’ and instant gratification by debt at high cost rather than working on ‘saving’ every penny ! Added now are checks & balances needed against digital frauds and rising cyber crimes. It is really tough ‘Balancing’ times… 

   

Fun with Grandpas 

Most of us and our contemporaries now are blessed with grandchildren of different ages & stages of growing up and therefore our interactions with them may range from a meaningless gibberish (Gen Beta toddlers) to profound conversations and world views (Gen Zee teenagers). Where we score over the hassled parents is the greater seriousness with which the little ones take us. Is it because we don’t’ mean serious business and are more approachable and non-autocratic, things their Gen so resents ?! But to me, the real virtue setting Grand-pops apart is ability to be funny & take things ( tantrums !) lightly !

Establishing a rapport with kids means not to treat it as a ‘challenge in communications’ but as a playful activity where you may need to convert from a one-time ‘Big Boss’ prone to issuing orders to all in sight, into a fuzzy, lovable animal, place or thing without any inhibitions, depending on the mood of the ‘prince’ or ‘princess’. The zanier & livelier the look & the efforts at their entertainment, better are the chances of a lasting camaraderie. Since infants have big mood swings, the normal colloquial ‘Chup-Ho-Ja-Beta’ may not soothe the nerves but ‘nonsensical’ expressions, noises, funny faces may appeal to them!

The quintessential ‘Ma-ki-Lori’ or sweet lullabies work well even if it’s not ‘nightingale’ like singing, for these ‘rocking-songs’ have therapeutic sleep inducing elements in them but that apart, with today’s Gen A & B, colourful cartoon clips played on the smart phones  soon become akin to background music to their ears. Many babies, however, respond to songs sung to them & I’ve felt they take bit more kindly to tuneful singing & yodeling ! There are prodigies who soon acquire perfect vocal chords from a tender age.      

Grandpas/Grandmoms are undoubtedly the best known spinners of yarns & storytellers, mayn’t be all true tales but exciting, exaggerated and dramatic and not strictly verifiable, especially the ones about ghosts and super-natural incidents. But my own Grandpa, NN Sinha, was ‘grand’ – full of Shakespeare’s dramas to the real stories from history – from Napoleon & Nelson’s exploits on the battlefield to famed actress Ellen Terry of English stage to legendary Bradman & Jardine’s bodyline to stop him from winning the ‘Ashes’ ! Later, history was repeated when my Dad played the wonderful ‘Dadun’ to my two Sons.

So what makes a great Grandpa ? For the child he’s the refuge as a protector from parents’ wrath, an ally who’ll stand by you and help with problems like pocket money, homework, low marks & school complaints. Sam Levenson put it so well : ‘The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy’ !

About our physicality it’s often said ‘Your looks don’t really matter’ but to us it’s remained an enigma – why did we and our progeny and theirs, look the way we do ? For a large number of people, there is ‘genetics’ at play establishing clear familial resemblance and taking after their parents and with siblings often having a similar kind of appearance. Yet uncannily some from the same tree do not share the same kind of features.

Imaginative English fiction writers, novelists and storytellers from the good old formula Bollywood films had beaten to death, the theme of identical twins lost in the village fair or separated by an implausible accident, to be united after many misadventures. In fact, old English classics have used ‘Doppelgangers’ to create thrilling stories of identical looking characters and their mysteries & strange mix ups ! Let’s recall the Bard’s ‘Comedy of Errors’, Dickens ‘Tale of Two Cities’ & Hope’s ‘Prisoner of Zenda’ as some.

Sometimes we accost during our travels, strangers who remind us of people we’ve known well and interestingly even those who are fortunate enough to resemble famous celebrities. After indulging in an honest self-appraisal, I’ve come to realize that being born with good looks is like an inheritance rather than a virtue acquired through endeavor. Yes, it starts getting an impact when it’s accompanied by a charm that attracts your attention.  

More importantly, it has shelf life as we all get old with time and our looks change from the smoothly youthful to more mature, gaunt and wrinkled. Here again, there are surprises – some look older and some younger & fitter than their peers. This can be partly attributed to good genes but more to good habits, exercise and appropriate lifestyles. The amazing Sophia Loren had said about remaining young ‘It is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and lives of people you love’ !

Today, AI has the tools to make you look they way you wish to  – at least on the small smart screen ! The latest creation of me as seen below is quite age appropriate with the right gravitas – even if I’m looking older & kinder !

One of the indefinite things in modern day living and staying in a high rise building is the uncertainty of the lift/s functioning at all times. Also if, God forbid, the lift gets stuck, will a sudden malfunction be reset quickly before those  stuck inside start gasping for air..! That said, lifts are possibly the most sought after basic amenities which decide whether a flat (with otherwise many good features) in a multi-storeyed complex be worth living in. Almost every decent Society today has lifts – but the proper upkeep & maintenance of the same is an altogether different matter. The plethora of users & the owners themselves, both can take equal credit for the recurring  breakdowns of the lifts !

The story of my ‘lift’ fiasco didn’t take place in my own Society but in a prestigious Multi Speciality Hospital of Mumbai where from morn till night the four lifts ferry hundreds of people, up & down. At times we saw that out of four only two are in operation while the other two are advised some kind of bed-rest. At about 6 pm yesterday evening, four people (including a hospital staff) were going to ground floor & in the last minute three more Sikh gents, one fairly elderly and two younger ones, entered the lift. Suddenly, on the 5th floor the lift stopped and refused to budge further.

One of younger Sardarji’s with great presence of mind inserted his shoes to prevent the door of lift from getting shut. We later got to know that he was prone to panic attacks in closed spaces. He along with his brother tried to forcefully open the door but of course to no avail. The young hospital staff kept pushing the alarm to call for help while our flustered Sardar was panting, sweating and yelling out to the others moving outside. 

Soon some people gathered outside 5th Floor to study the problem and the Lift Engineer was located and duly told that some seven people were trapped inside. While an air draft was coming through the crack (the shoes kept in place) a bit of panic started setting in among all the inmates ! What if no help came…? Finally, the solution lay in shutting off the lift’s power and allowing it’s door, which was jammed, to be forced open by the staff outside but not before 20 minutes of uncertain dread for us ! 

My story had a happy ending – but remarkably the only person who didn’t appear too perturbed was the impassive 83 year old Sardarji, a patient of the hospital ! As we ‘survivors’ left after this ordeal, the happy, young Sardarji said ‘My Daddy didn’t panic because he knows that I panic’ – truly Daddy still knows best in all situations !

Every time I visit the nearby Saloon for a haircut I find another new face ready to clip my locks with the abandon of an excitable Gen Zee kid ! It then becomes incumbent upon me to explain my styling conditions to them afresh – a civilised ‘senior citizen’ cut with no ‘Mohawk’ style uprising in the middle or the military crew cut scraping the ears.. 

This time around I was attended upon by a guy who’s first admonition to my requests was ‘Tension, Mat Lo !’ when I tried to tell him the basics of my hairdo ! I immediately liked his ‘Abhishek Dipke’ like confidence as he tried to assuage my fears. He went on to extol the virtues of being ‘Tension free’ in life – when having a haircut or otherwise dealing with people in general.

I had to ask him his age to which he cheekily said ‘Uncle Guess karo’ – so I ‘Shayad 16 hoga’. He puffed his 32″ chest & said ‘Kya Uncle, I’m 20’. To keep up this lively chat, I said ‘What’s Mine? and he replied  ‘Uncle, 50 hoga’ ! Now I wanted to give him a shock – ‘Beta, add your age to that 50′ ! He looked mighty impressed and said ’70 mein bhi itne baal hai !’  

All this while there were new film songs playing on a small TV on the wall. They appeared soothing but I couldn’t recognise any of them. But my peppy hairdresser was humming along.With all my knowledge of old Hindi songs, known by heart, now I can’t recall a word of these new numbers. Were we now becoming music-deaf or were today’s songs so forgettable ? 

As I finally left after my reasonably good haircut, my new Gen Zee friend asked ‘All Ok Uncle, ki kuch aur karon ?’ After all, the fellow knew his job & could handle someone 50 years older with the ease of a professional!

Growing Together Was..

Helping in homework, Younger ones backed,

Ma’s food place found, So joyful as if ‘cracked’, 

Surviving every storm, Steadying one another, 

Taking on the blame of, Misdeeds of the other,

Even if we disagreed, Or bickered like a cat,

Strong ties stuck firm, Foregoing a tit for tat,

Years on ‘We Old Folks’, Now many miles apart, 

Yet empathy & loyalty, Readies to lend support, 

What’s it with Siblings, One’s flesh and blood, 

That years can’t lessen & Our bonds grow instead !

Fond ‘Rakhi’ Wishes to, Our ever Glorious Sisters !

At times too many ‘words’ in longish stuff that some of us write, have elicited views of loyal reader friends about being lengthy and consequently less readable. In our old friends’ chat, I was once asked to give my views on an exhaustive article by a friend, which I did in an explanatory style. The curt response from a cynic was ‘Executive Summary Please !’ (yes, quite like ones we used to submit to our Bosses since they were supposed to be overloaded with bulky notes and files). To us it can be a reminder of the academic importance of that ‘French’ word called ‘Precis’ !

For the uninitiated, word ‘Precis’ means summarizing the process of writing a lengthy passage that can be described in a few words without changing it’s main theme or idea. In the good old school days ‘Precis’ writing fetched marks from English teachers but while working as young Officers, it became challenging since a ‘Summary’ meant a well-presented form of statements or notes containing headings & sub-headings, that busy Bosses could put their fingers on. But, retired citizens like us now have an unhindered liberty to express without a word limit and many have the propensity to talk and write at length ! Yes, we tend to repeat even ‘golden words’ !

However, this is the age of short forms, abbreviations & minimal one-word responses since Millennial and Gen Zee have little time to read. This is often attributed to ‘low attention span’ and ‘let’s get on with it’ syndrome ! If a heartfelt, emotional message receives a one-word reply (or worse, is ignored), that’s sad for the sender. It’s heart-breaking getting a cryptic emoji or a one-word ‘Cool !’ response to profoundly expressed thoughts. Slowly, Gen Zee has relegated long hand to medieval era -it’s Insta ‘Reels’ showtime !

The incomparable Shakespeare gave us the famous lines ‘Brevity is the Soul of Wit’ ! When it comes to humour and repartee it must be crisp, short and have punch in it. Every stand-up comic artist these days uses a maximum of three sentences before the final punchline to get the laughs, else he must face the boos ! A much-married family man was asked to say ‘Do Shabdh’ at the family event where the relatives were speaking endlessly. He got up, said ‘Thank You’ and sat down, having played his part.

What’s the ideal length for articles (or talks)? At times they’re fixed by the publishers. Organisers request speakers to be short. But unhindered freelancers write their hearts out their own way to make an impact. Yet, there’s no guarantee that they’ll be read

हम सभी ने इस दुनिया

को बहुत करीब से देखी

कई संबंध बने सफ़र में

कुछ करीबी कुछ अटपटी

फिर मिले रिज़वी भाई

अचानक सालों के बाद

ऊंची कद,भारी आवाज़

चेहरा मुस्कान से आबाद

हर हाल में वो हाज़िर

जहां है वक्त की पुकार

जरूरत मंद के मदद में

यह शख्स हमेशा तैयार

अकेलापन से अकेले लड़े

दूसरे को भी सहारा दिया

वक्त से न की शिकायत

हमारे साथ ये क्यों हुआ

बहती हवा सा है वो

उड़ती पतंग सा है वो

कोई फिल्मी किरतर नहीं

अपने रिज़वी भाई हैं वो ।