When we were really young and there was no social media to enlighten us on things like relationships, it was our seniors and family elders who were to be emulated in matters of propriety and good manners considered as important as achieving academic excellence, that spoke of breeding and cultured background. Only Grand-dads could use expletives !
As far it appeared to us, our own grand-parents, parents, uncles & aunts (both paternal and maternal) shared bonds that looked long lasting and solid but never flashy and were somewhat akin to Test Cricket of the colonial era. Showing any form of affection for spouses and better/worse halves was quite rare for our grandparents down to all the married joint family members living under the same roof. Leave PDA (that’s – public display of affection) I can’t recall my parents or family elders ever held hands in public !
Today such things would sound archaic but then they had intimacy with its own charm – unspoken & unsaid for those daring to express were told ‘what will children think’ ?! In our childhood visiting our ‘mamar-bari’, spending time with maternal grandparents was fun. Dadu was full of beans with all his grandchildren sitting at his feet, I can’t recall him ever having a conversation with Grandma. When they visited us in Lucknow in 1972 to attend our parent’s Silver Anniversary, we sang a film song that has two young lovers thinking of old age together. Dadu loved it so much that he made me write the lyrics !
My parents came from a literary background and both loved classic novels and music. Mom was 19 when she got married and came to settle in Lucknow and in keeping with traditions here, she would at times address Dad as ‘Sinha Saheb’ like others. Once Dad forgot something and Mom sent him a note which began ‘Respected Mr.Sinha..’ To that Dad’s formal reply came ‘Revered Mrs.Sinha..’ which caused much amusement to us all. A public act of intimacy, if at all was Dad cleaning his glasses with Mom’s sari’s pallu…
Another case is of an elderly couple in Allahabad whom we admired for their wonderful understanding, the bond always understated. Once Aunt fell ill and the two NRI sons rushed from UK and expressed concern over their Mom’s treatment to their Dad. To all this Uncle remained stoic and said ‘Don’t worry, your Mother means a lot to me too !’ Seniors in 1960-70s would spend decades together without proclaiming their devotion. Love was tough to be expressed in mere words, but when true, it was more easily felt !
Working on Living 