Some time back, when a leading media chief suavely entered in discourse on many matters of national importance with an enigmatic leader of stature, it was followed with great interest on prime time. However, apart from the expected political umbrage yet correctness of the talks, one thing looked common between the two celebrities – both appeared a bit like the helpless parents of today !

Here was the visibly relaxed Soniaji stating candidly ‘I try not to volunteer advice to them, do you ?’ to which media baron, Aroon Purie seemed to lament ‘my children don’t listen to me’ (partly in jest, maybe) while the audience did LOL ! The irony remains, be it leaders in the fields of politics, media, business, sports etc or the struggling service class, all need to brush up on communication skills when it comes to their own grown up children. (the issue of dealing with teenage kids is beyond the realm of this writer ! )

Professionals teaching different techniques and impact of good speaking styles, often fail miserably at home resulting in indefinite family deadlocks ! What are parents, otherwise intelligent beings of substance (outside home), not doing right and mostly getting the wrong end of the stick ?

For one, it’s probably that they’re talking to them as their closest relatives, always knowing what’s best and wishing them to be like them. Keeping the relationship aside, talking one to one like adults, starting as equals may work. Add to this, a lot of quality listening and unlearning your past glory about what sacrifices you made and how wonderfully you brought them up.  Like all others, grown-ups need backing from parents for the decisions they’ve made and appreciation for efforts but without major interventions. The unsaid message remains – spare the advice, we’ll ask for it if needed !

One father/parent (and celebrity ) who measures up to these high standards is the great Prakash Padukone, ex-badminton champion and now coach. His renowned daughter and international actress, Deepika Padukone, recently called him ‘The Best Dad’, for his humility and many qualities ! At least let’s try and become brighter, meaning more ‘Prakash’ all around !

 

 

The ‘Queen’ will always have many followers but I for one certainly admire the spunky, svelte and super-cool Kangana Ranaut ! Her effortless portrayals in ‘Fashion’, ‘Tanu Weds Manu’ and it’s breezy sequel, the award-winning “Queen’ and even the dominant ‘Hunter-wali’ role in the period film ‘Rangoon’, have always been great fun to watch. However, what sets her apart, is her flair for calling a spade a spade and her unfetteredfeistiness, best seen in taking on single-handedly last year, the smooth-talking movie moghul, Karan Johar and the powerful, close-knit film fraternity on the ‘nepotism’ charge, followed up with dignified exchanges on the subject with the royal class ‘Saif’ !

 Without getting into that debate ( it’s been existing for ages is what we think ) it’s quite baffling that the word ‘nepotism’ could according to the English dictionary, have so many connotations. What it means literally is ‘using your power or influence to get good jobs or unfair advantages for members of your own family’, it’s a close cousin to bias, prejudice, chauvinism, discrimination, favouritism, inequity, partiality, injustice, partisanship and sexism! Stated thus it all looks quite familiar.

To account for such human frailties, most public institutions, organisations, corporates and offices have strict guidelines that no two close relatives, siblings and spouses shall serve in the same workplace which is almost always followed. However, there is nothing to prevent forming elite groups employed in higher offices, achievers  clubs and exclusive batch of blue-eyed boys and girls – so strong that average persons, however committed to the workplace, would never have access to and remain as mute observers !  The powerful can influence plum assignments, foreign trainings, placements, favourable postings, promotions and exposure to prestigious projects etc on the principle of word-of-mouth references and timely phone calls. Not surprisingly, relatives of some in high positions show sudden alacrity in moving up the ladder and suddenly develop leadership qualities hitherto unseen !

In that sense, many private enterprises make no bones of running as family businesses or closely held groups where workers are just that – employees ! To rise there would all depend on how valuable one is to the company. Among professionals it could also be a great tradition followed- we come across families of eminent doctors, lawyers, writers, artists, CAs and many famous sports-persons carrying on a great legacy.

Nepotism, in whatever form is inevitable and considered acceptable within reasonable limits somewhat like viral fever. It’s when it becomes the order of the day that it promotes mediocrity and kills the flavour of originality, creativity and talent ! And, it takes true grit to be a ‘Queen’ !

 

 

 

 

When (during his famous farewell address) the iconic Sachin said about his soul-mate, Anjali, in poetic fashion ‘Ours has been the best partnership’– it was tribute to the hard work and sacrifices, his less-famed life-partner unconditionally made for him. Likewise, many legends in business also have truly worked on their long term relationships – it’s said that when Bill and Melinda Gates started dating, he was CEO, founder of Microsoft while she was product manager. Now as co-equals, they decide and run their huge philanthropic organization together. As is the case with that unbeatable Indian duo of Nandan ‘Infosys’ Nilekani and Rohini Nilekani !

What about the many exemplary partnerships that we find among our own elders, relatives, friends that remain untold. While personal acquaintances in this category must remain unnamed, their strategies are so interesting. I’ve known one super pair, married for over four decades who’ve never been found to have a public spat or seen addressing the other loudly. In another remarkable power-equation, the lady (earning member) never stopped her immense respect for her man who mostly had no ostensible means of income and brought up a great family. In another unique case, there were partners bonding on everything they did together, movies, sports, music, food, fun-trips, yet able to amicably have different perspectives on things. There’s a couple in still yet another scenario, sending out their message – allow more space, be supportive of each other and stay happy ! All people who without much ado could find the right recipe to harmony at home.

So what’s the secret formula to the long-term success in marriage ? The answer that most experts give is there’s none – no two relationships are exactly like and different pairs should employ different strategies to achieve that elusive marital bliss and more importantly keep the flame alive. However, after many years of what is called that euphemistically ‘happy married life’ most people would say that the entire process is ‘an eventful journey which has many parts and parties to it with successes and setbacks galore, but there’s no single  destination since the goalposts keep shifting ! In my humble opinion, be akin to a seasoned player at the crease in a cricket field, ever watchful (not taking things or others for granted ) playing your innings with as much camaraderie, compassion and inclusiveness that you can bring to the team !